Still Game ***

BBC1

HERE we are, then. Last in the series. Last dance, last chance for love, as Dr Donna Summer once counselled. Would a run of Still Game that has left fans divided over the prospect of another outing for the Craiglang clan go out like a lion or a lamb?

Isa (Jane McCarry) stood at a crossroads of her own when old pal Callum Coburn rocked up after 50 years working as a Hollywood stuntman.

Played by real-life Springburn boy made LA-good Craig Ferguson, Callum was a class act from his fashionably cut salt and pepper hair to the soles of his handmade shoes. The widowed Isa thought so too.

This sweet, soft centred story of rekindled romance afforded writers Greg Hemphill and Ford Kiernan the chance to play the Milk Tray men of Scottish comedy, and boy did they deliver. One scene, in which Isa tried to match Callum’s tall tale about hanging off an aircraft 3000ft up with her own yarn about almost missing her holiday flight (almost!), was so beautifully written, and delivered in such a pitch perfect fashion, I was almost ready to forgive the last five weeks of tat.

But packed around the Isa-Callum strawberry creme was one nut cluster after another, each one more unappetising than the last. There was Jack giving Methadone Mick a bed for the night only to get cold feet about someone seeing them together. “It’s Yewtree **** that,” said Jack, referring to the (real) police investigation into sexual abuse allegations launched after Savile. Too soon? Yes. By about 50 years.

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Winston had a toasty little speech about living in this part of Glasgow being a death sentence, with the only good heat you get the last one at the crematorium. This was more like the old Still Game, bit of attitude and muscle. Then another character came along with a punchline that deserved a slap. A toddler would have turned his nose up at such toilet humour. And oh the surprise when Boabby the Barman bought a car and turned out to be a disaster behind the wheel.

Again and again, speeches and scenes were set up promisingly, only to fall flat on their face due to lazy pay-offs, one of which even managed to ruin the Isa-Callum story.

Still Game’s problem is that it wants an easy life. But that way lies a future as Last of the Summer Buckfast. Before you know it Jack and Victor will be sliding down a hill in a bathtub, riding roughshod over fond memories of a comedy that in its day could make you cry with laughter at something as simple as folk slipping on ice. (Not funny in reality, I know, but I defy anyone to hear the phrase, “Permagrip, £19.99” and keep a straight face.)

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Still Game has had eight series, one more than Only Fools and Horses, one fewer than Dad’s Army. A good run. Time to hang up the bunnets, boys – and give Isa her own series.