It would be easy to describe BTS as the biggest pop group you’ve never heard, but it might not be inaccurate to simply call them the biggest pop group. 

The South Korean boy band have sold over 30 million albums in their home country, and amassed a fiercely devoted global fanbase known as Army. For the seven members of BTS, however, ‘Army’ is about to take on an entirely different meaning. 

‘The biggest pop group’? Seriously?

With One Direction long gone and the long-awaited Blazin’ Squad reunion yet to materialise, it’s hard to name a collective making pop music as popular as that of BTS. 

Having topped the US and UK album charts, they’ve performed sold-out shows in such enormodomes as Wembley Arena and the Rose Bowl in Los Angeles. 

They’ve also collaborated with talented superstars like Coldplay and superstars like Ed Sheeran. 

Presumably, then, they’ll be selling out arenas for years to come. 

Well, not until 2025. Following years of speculation, it was confirmed on Monday that the members of BTS will carry out mandatory military service in South Korea. 

A statement from label Bighit Music confirming the three-year plan said “the members of BTS are honoured to serve” and promised “much more yet to come in the years ahead from BTS”. 

As a massive cultural export, wouldn’t sticking to the day job be a more valuable use of their time?

All able-bodied South Korean men between the ages of 18 and 28 must fulfil military service, but amid relentless debate the group’s members were allowed to postpone until they turned 30. 

Exemptions only happen rarely, as Tottenham Hotspur forward Son Heung-min discovered when he carried out his service in 2020. 

Good news for the military, less so for Stans. 

Tucci? Marsh? Petrov? 

The term ‘Stan’ is derived from Eminem’s 2000 classic ‘Stan’, in which the rapper receives a series of increasingly intense letters from a fan named Stan. On social media, Stans go above and beyond in their devotion to a particular celebrity, often hanging on their every word and calling out anyone who dares criticise them.

Think Taylor Swift and her Swifties, Lady Gaga and her Little Monsters or Piers Morgan and Piers Morgan’s Twitter account. 

If you’re a BTS Stan, you’re known as Army. 

Isn’t ‘Army’ a bit on the nose given this week’s news?

I won’t be drawn into making jokes involving BTS. I’ve seen what happens to those who do.

You’re not even going to point out that the newly-conscripted group’s songs include ‘Dynamite’, ‘Fire’ and ‘Run BTS’?

Tell my wife I love her.