"We didn't know if it was a bomb or a gas explosion"... the Clutha catastrophe, one year on

Joe, 59, of Cambuslang, was pulled from the wreckage alive but died 13 days later. He became the 10th victim of the tragedy. His friends now meet regularly at the nearby Scotia bar, to raise a glass and honour his memory.

Ian Kelly, 60, from East Kilbride, Danny Docherty, 60, from Maryhill, John Robson, 63, from Uddingston, Jamie Ward, 58, from Newton Mearns and Aitken Hunter, 62, Calum Grierson, 60, and Alan Torrance, 55, all from Hamilton, are part of the unofficial Clutha drinking club.

They all agree it's hard not to think about Joe. That whatever they do, he will always be with them.

That he's the first person they still instinctively go to phone when something big happens in their lives, such as a new grandchild or a birthday.

The group, some of whom had known Joe for more than 40 years and had a special bond, still struggle to come to terms with their loss.

They also have to cope with the guilt of living when their best friend who was standing inches away from them died.

For almost a decade they had been drinking in the Clutha, beside the River Clyde, always at the same place next to the serving hatch.

On the night of the disaster, it was so busy they had to stand on the other side of the bar near the door.

If they had been in their usual spot they would have walked out physically unscathed.

Instead they were standing in the area devastated by the Eurocopter EC 135 when it crashed through the roof.

The survivors are extremely lucky to be alive. One of them, Jamie Ward, was standing right next to one of the victims, John McGarrigle, who died after becoming trapped underneath the helicopter.

Jamie suffered a broken back and was in Glasgow's Southern General spinal unit for months.

He is still in constant pain, doesn't sleep and is wary of crowds.

Jamie, Calum and John were all pulled from the wrecked pub by their pal Alan who went back inside to save them and they insist he deserves a medal for his bravery.

Alan and Ian were standing chatting near the entrance when they were blown out of the door onto the street by the sheer force of the crash but despite his own injuries and warnings that the roof was about to cave in, Alan raced back in to rescue his friends.

Hearings clerk and grandfather Calum worked with Joe and Jamie for years in housing and technical services for Glasgow City Council and had known Joe for 40 years.

He recalled: "I was chatting to Jamie to my left and John to my right. Normally when we got the Clutha we always head for the serving hatch because you got served easily but that night it was so busy we couldn't get to our normal spot.

"Ironically, if we had been standing there we would all have walked out OK. One half was untouched and the other half was completely devastated. That was the only night we never got to our spot.

"We were actually thinking about leaving when it happened and Jamie was standing next to John McGarrigle who died and was trapped. That's how close it was to us.

"There was no warning. I remember thinking I was dreaming and there was something forcing me down. I couldn't move and there was blood all over my face but I wasn't in any pain.

"I was lying there trapped, covered in dust and blood and I can't believe I actually took my specs off and put them in my pocket to stop them getting damaged.

"The helicopter was right next to us and all I could see was the toes of my shoes.

"The worst point was as I lay there helpless someone shouted 'don't go in, the roof's coming in'. I thought I was a goner.

"I knew I was lying to top of someone, who I've since found out was John and Jamie was lying on top of me so we were all jammed together and covered in debris.

"We were right at the door and I felt Alan move Jamie and when he came back for me he couldn't move me but he got help and they both grabbed me round the chest and hauled me out. I couldn't stand up.

"Then two girls just appeared and they said they were first-aiders and they looked after me at the kerb. I had no idea I had a head injury. I can't thank them enough."

Calum was taken to the Western Infirmary with his friends except for

Joe who was taken to Glasgow Royal Infirmary.

He was off work for four months after having six staples in his head and serious injuries down the left-hand side of his body.

He said the survivors returned to the Clutha in March to be shown the damage and they couldn't believe how close they had all come to death.

Calum added: "We went back to the Clutha and the owner took us round. He said other folk had asked and found it helped. He let us in and showed us where the bodies were.

"We realised how lucky we had been. "I have good and bad days. I was off work for four months because I could hardly walk or drive. I had six staples on my head but it has healed well.

All on my left side was injured, my left foot, shoulder and I had torn ligaments on the left knee. I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress, and I'm seeing a counsellor.

"We went through it but it has had an unbelievable effect on all our families as well and there is still this terrible feeling of guilt.

"We wonder why we are still here and Joe's gone." Joe's old schoolfriend Ian described him as a "proud Glaswegian and an unconscious comedian".

The father of three and grandfather suffered injuries to his arm, torn ligaments and deep tissue damage in his leg and he, too, has been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder.

He says: "I can't believe it's been a year since it happened. Because I got blown out the door, my shoes were blown off. Alan helped me put them back on.

"He went straight back in to look for the rest of the lads.

"We didn't know if it was a bomb or a gas explosion.

"We looked inside and it was black, heavy dust, blackness and silence.

"The whole area we had been standing in was totally devastated."

Ian, who went to therapy sessions, says one of the most painful sessions was when I had to say goodbye to Joe in April as part of his counselling. He says: "It was overwhelming."

Despite the therapy Ian says the tragedy hasn't left him. "I've been having very vivid dreams of getting lost and abandonment which is really weird. I don't sleep well.

"The worst of it was that everyone thought Joe was getting better and then he went in for an operation and we were told it didn't look as if he was going to make it.

"That came out of the blue, when we were told, Danny and I were standing in the middle of Union Street among Christmas shoppers sobbing because we just didn't expect it.

"Joe only lasted 13 days. We had no idea the extent of his injuries and his family are totally devastated."

Ian became friends with Joe when they attended Holy Cross High in Hamilton and he is also very close to his wife Margaret.

He said: "Joe was his wife's carer and they got married about four years ago. We were all there to celebrate. He was an unconscious comedian, told great stories and was a real character but he was also a shy, private and a very caring person.

"He was a great socialist and very politically-aware and widely read.

"He was a guy of fierce intelligence and loved to share that with us as well."

"You could never tell Joe you loved him or give him a cuddle, he would have been uncomfortable with that but he was always there for us with advice and to make us see commonsense.

"It is very hard not to think about him. He loved the old Glasgow pubs and he knew a lot about the history of Glasgow.

"I got a new grandchild five weeks ago and the first thing I thought was I must phone Joe and tell him but I couldn't.

"On my 60th birthday in August my daughter got me a money clip and engraved on the back it says: 'Joe Cusker, always in our hearts'."

Father-of-two Danny was standing next to Joe and John when the helicopter came through the roof. He suffered head injuries and later received 12 staples in his head.

Danny said: "I took a step to the righthand side because Joe asked me to keep an eye on his jacket and then it happened. All of a sudden I saw smoke coming towards me out of nowhere. I thought it was part of the band's set, then there was a flash and all I remember is getting lifted up off the ground and slammed down.

"I thought after that I just got up and left but I've been told debris had to be removed from my legs which I don't remember. I was wandering about the street, confused and dazed, and it was a member of the band who pointed out I had a head injury, I was totally unaware I had been injured.

"I wandered about looking for the rest of the boys and then I was put in an ambulance while we waited for other injured people to come out.

"I have still not got my head round it; that it has actually happened. I still find it difficult to believe I was part of that. I still have this nagging thing that Joe was within touching distance and I was that close to living and dying. It is hard to swallow.

"We used to go to watch Partick Thistle together but it is hard to go now because he's not there. There is a lot we miss about him. He is always present in spirit."

Independent financial adviser and father-of-two John Robson suffered back, shoulder, leg and head injuries after a falling, and a wooden beam slammed into his back.

He said: "I remember lying there thinking, 'Who would want to bomb the Clutha?' "Alan played a huge part in getting us out. I was standing talking to Joe when it happened. I woke up and noticed the dust and I thought 'I'm alive, I had better get out of here'.

"I tried to get up but Calum's head was on my lap and then Alan came in shouting 'don't panic we're going to get you out' and he lifted Calum off and someone else lifted the beam off me and Alan helped me out.

"I'm still at the stage where I can't believe it. I have had post-traumatic stress therapy and that has helped a bit with the flashbacks but I can't think straight.

"I'm on anti-depressants and I'm not sleeping well. I think about Joe a lot because he was standing right next to me. He passed away and I'm still OK."

Aitken Hunter suffered a cracked spine but he can't remember a thing about that night. He's spending the anniversary in America to get away from it all. He says: "I am on painkillers all the time, antidepressants, you name it, I'm on it. The spine is broken at the back of the neck which means I must have been hit with something but I don't remember anything.

"All I've got, this hand as a constant reminder. There is nerve damage so who knows if I'll ever get back to normal?

"I'll be in America on the anniversary. I just wanted to get away from it."