COMEDIAN Ross Noble interrupted his show at the Glasgow Pavilion on Saturday as he spotted a chap near the front looking at his phone.

When Noble asked what was so important, the chap replied he was getting the latest score from the Braehead Clan ice hockey game which was currently at five goals each.

An hour later at the end of his show Ross asked the audience if they had any questions.

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"What was the final score in the ice hockey?' shouted back a voice from the back.

Anything is possible

YOU get the impression Rangers don't command the respect they once did. Eddy Calvin was on the subway after the football on Saturday when a Partick Thistle fan asked a Rangers fan on the train what the score had been in Rangers' cup tie against lowly Alloa Athletic.

"It was 6-0 when we left," the Gers fan replied.

"Who for?" asked the Thistle fan innocently.

Orderly conduct

THE pro-union campaign Better Together being nicknamed Bitter Together reminds David Macleod in Lenzie of a visit to the Philips factory in Hamilton by the company's top brass from Europe. Waiting to greet them was the company logo, Let's Make Things Better, in 6ft-high letters at the factory entrance.

Unfortunately nobody had noticed that some wag had changed the order of the words so that it read Let's Make Better Things.

Morning glory

SCOTS words lost in translation continued. Says Bob Stewart: "My sister went to Canada as a nurse. She was surprised by the reaction when on her first day in the nurses' accommodation she asked if someone would knock her up in the morning."

It's the economy, stupid

"I HAD my first taste of the credit crunch this morning," says Jimmy Manson in Ayr.

"I sat down to a bowl of Lidl cornflakes."

Not-so enduring love

A READER on the 66 bus into Glasgow heard two women discussing a mutual friend's son getting married to someone who many folk didn't think would be a suitable partner.

Our reader liked the woman who tried to be positive about the union who commented: "Well, I think it'll be a very successful first marriage."

Money matters

NIGEL Robson tells us that at Saturday's Stenhousemuir v Berwick Rangers Scottish Cup tie on Saturday, the half-time draw was won by a Berwick director who scooped £150.

After the announcement one Berwick fan asked: "That'll be a new player, then?"

Games for a laugh

WE end our search for a local motto for the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow with David Donaldson harking back to the city's gang slogans of the sixties. Says David: "Since the spirit of pure amateurism seems to have degenerated into an obsession with medals won, the appropriate motto for Glasgow's Games must be: 'Gongs ya bass!'"