JANETTE White from Kilmarnock has been reminiscing with other folk from the town on Facebook about the good old days.

She tells us: "Someone recalled when the Mormons went into a notorious part of Kilmarnock and offered to take a crowd of youngsters swimming. This being a rare treat, they jumped at the chance and were duly taken to Kilmarnock Baths.

"A few weeks later, they all received baptism certificates through the post."

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THOSE of you with a liking for Forth Valley villages as well as Hollywood stars will be taken with the line-up of the Fierce Valley Roller Girls – an all-women outfit in Falkirk who take part in roller derbies – you know, where women skoosh round velodromes on roller skates. One of their team goes under the name of Camelon Diaz.

We wonder if there are other Scottish stars out there. Perhaps a Cary Granton, or a Bruce Springburn.

What a guy...

"I KNOW Craig Levein was not popular with the fans," said a reader last night after the Scotland manager departed from his job.

"But the number of fireworks folk were setting off to celebrate was ridiculous."

Stars in his eyes?

SO what now for Craig Levein? One punter was speculating in a Glasgow pub last night that he could end up on the television show I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, which starts on Sunday, filmed from the rainforest in Australia.

"That's right," said a fellow toper. "He'll come back from a jungle challenge with only two stars out of 12, and try to convince the rest of the celebs in the camp that he had still got a really good result."

A shaw thing...

THE tragi-comedy play I, Tommy about disgraced Pollok politician Tommy Sheridan is on this week at the Glasgow King's. Des McLean says he has the perfect title if they ever make the play into a film. He would want it to be called The Pollokshawshank Redemption.

Comeback line

OUR tale of the woman who blamed her laughter lines on all the clowns she had dated, reminds David Robertson out in Marrakech: "I used to tease one of the nurses I worked with 'look at all your wee wrinkles'.

"She said: 'They're not wrinkles they'e laughter lines', to which I replied: 'Nothing's that funny'."

Plane talking

READERS enjoyed sending us their Scottish haikus – poems of three lines with five, seven and five syllables – earlier this year. Now the Glasgow Art Club has a new exhibition on paitings which must have a local theme with a haiku as its title. We like the painting of three planes carrying banners through the sky with the banners making up the haiku.

It reads: "You misunderstand

"Everyone loves everyone

"No one likes you but."