A TEENAGE West Lothian girl came downstairs to tell her parents she dropped her phone on her face and gave herself a nosebleed – a common danger for teenagers who use their mobile phones to text while lying down.

Her demeanour wasn't helped by her father claiming: "In my day if I'd dropped a phone on my face when I was 15 I would probably have knocked myself out.

"Of course I would have had to unscrew it from the wall in the hall first."

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Only joking

MRS Brown's Boys, which is filmed in Glasgow, is the television series about a foul-mouthed mother, her senile father, her criminal son and various other family members. It won an award at the Scottish Baftas at the weekend.

"Was it named Best Documentary?" asked one viewer with a jaundiced view of Glasgow.

Return journey

GETTING lots of favourable mentions these days is the John Lewis television advert showing a snowman going to a lot of trouble to buy his wife a hat and scarf from the shop for Christmas.

"Presumably," a reader tells us, "the advert on Boxing Day will show her queuing up at the shop to return them so she can get something she actually wanted."

Drive carefully

"MY mate is so daft," said the chap sheltering from the rain in the Glasgow pub yesterday, "that when I told him they were going to make Land Rovers in China, he asked, 'would they not shatter into a thousand pieces if they were ever in a bump?'"

No-go area

WE read on the website s1bute.com that a touring roadshow advising people on winter travel, Ready for Winter, had to be cancelled yesterday as the organisers couldn't make it to island due to the bad weather.

No comment

INTERNET site TripAdvisor allows travellers to post reviews of hotels, and for the hotel to add a comment.

We note a couple visiting the Duck Bay Marina at Loch Lomond complained their bed at the hotel was broken yet the hotel did nothing about it.

The Duck Bay's guest relations manager merely replied: "I note that you have still not explained how you broke our bed. Perhaps you had a better time than you say!!"

On the road

CHEESY motoring school names continued. An Edinburgh reader just spotted one called Dunwalkin.

Cash in on the white stuff

SORRY about this, but reader David Donaldson notes health officials are discussing setting up a national milk bank for Scotland, and wonders if it will use the slogan: "Your udder national drink."