A READER visiting the cinema in Glasgow at the weekend swears to us that the girl in front of her in the queue, accompanied by her boyfriend, asked for two tickets.

"Is that for The Hobbit?" inquired the girl behind the desk.

"Yes, he's with me," the customer replied.

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Like clockwork?

APPRENTICES continued. Says Mary McNeill: "My first job many years ago was as office girl to a very large and well known company of Glasgow lawyers. On my first day I was sent to a neighbouring firm to get a key to wind up an estate."

Security Claus

HOW new technology was helping Santa last week. A reader was in his local store in Lanarkshire when a little boy was acting up, shouting and kicking at his careworn mother. The shopkeeper intervened by kneeling down beside the tantrum-throwing boy, pointing up at the security camera above the till, and told him: "That's Santa's camera. That's how he knows if children have been good or bad."

Miraculously, the little one immediately shut up.

Out of her tree...

OUR mention of unusual names reminds Doug Griffin: "I used to know someone called Anna Partridge. She absolutely hated this time of year."

Working for peanuts?

THE BBC is celebrating the 200th edition of its short celebrity interview programme, Five Minutes With. We remember the reply by comedian Ed Byrne, who got into the business by running comedy nights in his local pub in Glasgow, when he was asked on the programme: "In a nutshell, how did you become a comedian?"

Replied Ed: "I didn't do it in a nutshell. It's very hard to perform comedy in a nutshell. Atmosphere is very important. I find theatres to be far better places to do it."

Pastry facer

THE Hydro, Glasgow's newest concert venue, is currently being built beside the SECC. Janie Donnelly was in Buchanan Street when she heard two chaps discussing it.

Recalls Janie: "The first said, 'You know the Hydro?' His pal replied, 'Whit's that?'

"'The big hing beside the SECC that looks like a bridie,' he tells him."

We're not quite sure if that's the effect for which the architect was striving.

Hardy souls

WE mentioned the optimism of Glasgow cafes putting chairs and tables outside just now. Gordon Fleming comments: "As I trudged down Portland Gate in Kilmarnock at about half-past four, the dreich drizzle dripping down my neck, the wind tugging at my coat, I came upon a scene of great cheer. Two wee women were sitting having a fly cuppa outside the Costa coffee shop.

"There was a canopy over the shop front but it was still freezing. Were they so desperate for a fag? Were they telling tales out with earshot of others? Or, as it seemed to me, were they just being defiant?"