A LENZIE reader says she took her car to the garage to be checked over as there was a strange whining noise coming from it when she was driving.

"Has your daughter left her One Direction CD playing?" the mechanic asked her.

Think of a number

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IT may come as a bit of a shock to some parents of teenagers, but they are known to sometimes carry a fake ID with them in order to get into licensed premises.

One chap who failed at a Glasgow pub at the weekend was the youngster who was stopped at the door and asked for identification. Perhaps he had already been drinking as, momentarily confused, he reached into his pocket and asked the doorman: "Which one is it? The 21 or the 18-year-old?"

Horsing around

THE horsemeat saga rumbles on with Aberdeen Football Club removing meat pies from sale last night in its game against Ross County as the French suppliers had not tested them.

It was surely unjust of a football fan in Glasgow commenting: "So the only cart horses and donkeys will be on the pitch then."

Lame joke

THIS follows, of course, Swedish furniture store Ikea removing its famous meatballs from cafeterias because of traces of horsemeat.

"The clue was in the name of the dish, Klippklöppen," a reader phones to tell us.

Wood you believe it?

AND several people told us: "They'll be telling us next that they found wood in their furniture."

Mr Frosty

JIMMY Manson in Ayr tells us: "Sir Ranulph Fiennes [pictured] has had to pull out of his Antarctic expedition due to frostbite.

"I reckon he took cold feet."

Scrambled idea

OUR mention of schoolkids having to name their chickens reminds a reader of his 11-year-old daughter badgering the family into getting two chickens to supply them with eggs. She then named them Omelette and Bhoona.