FOLLOWERS of popular Glasgow junior football side Pollok were delighted, but slightly confused, that their Twitter account pollokfc had an extraordinarily high number of followers in Mexico.
But as club vice-president Stuart MacDonald explained: "Initial excitement at the thought of an overseas fan club was dampened, however, when a learned member of the management committee pointed out that a more rational explanation could be achieved by splitting the Twitter account into two parts, 'pollo' and 'kfc', with pollo being the Spanish word for chicken. Mystery solved."
BEN Verth swears to us that he saw a middle-aged woman coming out of a charity shop in Edinburgh's Morningside, waving a pair of socks about, and calling back into the shop as a parting shot: "It's just laziness! They're still a good pair if you gave them a wash and stitched the holes."
Alistair makes his Marks
SCOTTISH Secretary Alistair Carmichael was drawing the raffle at the Glasgow Islay Gaelic Choir's concert in Milngavie at the weekend when he announced a prize of a £50 Marks and Spencer voucher, which got a large murmur of approval from the audience. "You can tell it's Milngavie," Alistair told them. "When it was Partick, the voucher was for Lidl."
Rock of sages
FAY Hampton wonders if there has been some divine intervention in the independence debate. A large rock she passes on a remote Highland rock normally has "Jesus Saves" written on it in thick white paint. Someone with a paint brush has now changed the "Saves" to "Says" - and added a large "Yes" below it.
No Scots? It's no joke
TALKING of independence, and the unexpected consequences of going it alone, a contact in England tells us: "We'll now have to change all the jokes so they now begin, 'An Englishman, an Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar'. It's not the same, is it?"
World war losers
ARMCHAIR generals are now getting excited about it all kicking off in the Ukraine. As one old buffer tells us: "It's a bit scary if World War Three starts as we will be on the same side as the Germans - and they've never won a world war yet."
Or as another observes: "Who does Russia think it is with its bully boy tactics? America?"
Best actors on the box
FORMER Manchester Utd boss Sir Alex Ferguson attended the Oscars ceremony in Los Angeles. As a reader phones to comment: "The way some of the highest paid footballers fall down in the penalty box, many of them could have been up for the Best Actor award."
Answers are pure mince
TRANSLATIONS continued. Retired modern languages teacher Garry Larkin tells us that one year in the Higher French paper the phrase "les minces peupliers frissonnaient dans la nuit" which should have been translated as "the thin poplars rustled in the night" came back from some pupils as "the people were frying mince in the night." Adds Garry: "After that, dictionaries were allowed."
No earthly reason
A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "Did I tell you I had an allotment? Someone keeps adding soil to it though when I'm not there. It's a mystery as to why though. The plot thickens ..."