VOLUNTEER drivers have begun shuffling officials and dignitaries around for the Commonwealth Games, with distance no object.

A reader tells us about her volunteer sister who suggested that the delegate she was chauffeuring could visit some of the highlights of Glasgow and the surrounding area. "What about going to see Ben Lomond?" she asked.

"Who's he?" replied the delegate.

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Scottish scorchio

SOME weather in Glasgow yesterday. As BBC sports presenter Gary Lineker joked on his arrival for the Games: "Ridiculous to be hosting the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow at this time of year. Far too hot. Should've moved it to winter."

Breaking no records

FINALLY, after wandering all over Scotland, the Queen's Baton arrived in Glasgow for the Games. Reader Patricia Cox tells us: "As the baton passed by in one area of Glasgow some of the locals were less than impressed about the speed of the baton bearer. Said one: 'If I had that many police vehicles chasing me I'd be a lot quicker than that'."


THE baton was even seen in the city's trendy west end. Observed local Cameron Munro: "How disappointing to many of us west end residents that it was not carried by a nominated tree hugger or reiki specialist. My spirits were lifted, however, when reports emerged that, after the baton had gone elsewhere, a workshop was organised in Hyndland to discuss the baton's sociological significance and impact on feminism."

Dress to impress

AND still the rancour continues about the Brigadoonish outfits for the Scots athletes. A reader tells us: "My wife informed me she was to browse the local boutiques for a new frock. I told her to hang back, as there would be a lot of bargain designer dresses in the charity shops after August 3, albeit all the same colour and style, but there would be bound to be one her size. Her response to my advice was a stony silence."

Looking back

ON display in Main Point Books in Edinburgh's Bread Street is the manual produced after the Commonwealth Games in the city: British Commonwealth Games 1970 - Notes by Technical Advisor, Department of the City Architect, Edinburgh.

It provides exhaustive lists of everything available in each venue including, for the fencing rest room, ashtrays and two boxes of HB pencils.

The report also points out: "No regular police patrol or attendance by police was in operation."

So a wee bit different this time then.

Spelling it out

THE outbreak of illness at the athletes' village reminds retired teacher Moira Campbell: "My favourite sick note from a parent stated that her son was absent due to 'direrear' - in my opinion a very apt description of the effect the ailment has."

Look east

WHEN the Games are over, attention in Scotland will turn to the Edinburgh Festivals, where Leo Kearse will be appearing as Atella The Pun at the Three Sisters on Cowgate.

With some trepidation we ask him for a favourite pun. "My girlfriend was taking ages to get ready," he tells us. "I shouted up the stairs, 'What's taking so long?' She shouted back, 'Make-up crisis'. So I shouted, 'Scotland's invaded Iran.'"