The fact is, it's not easy to be Australian.
Footage has just emerged of Mick Fanning, an Aussie ex-world surfing champion, being literally tapped on the shoulder by a great white shark, seconds before he was about to catch a wave during an International tournament in South Africa.
Check it out online if you can: Mick, in a head to head final with another Australian surfy, suddenly realises that, right behind him, as he waits to hang five on a malibu - (nothing to do with wrapping your mitts around a bottle of coconut flavoured swally, a malibu being a surfboard), is a big fin.
And here, we're not talking Mixu Paatelainen.
Thankfully the story has a happy ending as Mick lives to tell the tale, but for a few seconds, as a big creamy spume (that's a wave) blocks the view, his fate is uncertain. Then the spray breaks and we see him, splattering the surf like a man with Tourette's Syndrome, but riding safely into the beach with, thankfully, all of his limbs and things intact.
Anywhere near the coast, which is more or less where the vast majority of Aussies live - a whopping 85% of them at the last count - you'll find a plethora of surfers taking their chances with the creatures of the deep. Young and old, male and female, the image of the Australian surfy, blond and beach bronzed is anything but mythical, which explains in no small way why they're so successful on the world surfing stage.
Stephanie Gilmore is the current world champion on the women's tour and although Mick Fanning the 2013 champ, was deposed by a Brazilian in last year's event, with the sort of luck he's obviously carrying, look out for a strong showing from him this time around.
In the spirit of 'when in Rome', I actually took surfing lessons when I first arrived in Australia and I must tell you, it's a whole lot harder than it looks.
You have to possess good balance, an ability to differentiate between a swell line and an ankle buster, a barrel from a point break - all of which are types of waves - as well as being fully up to speed with all of the surfing etiquette.
You don't drop in, you don't snake and if you do bail, it's imperative that you always control your stick.
With all that new language to learn, is it any wonder the last thing on your mind is the possibility of getting up close and personal with a great big Noah's Arc?
Luckily enough, throughout my surfing adventures, I never had to deal with a shark situation though I do remember having something of a confrontation with a walrus.
A walrus moustache that is, belonging to a grizzled old surfy called Shane who accused me of trying to drop into his humpback, a barefaced and despicable breach of etiquette roughly equivalent to stubbing a cigarette out in a freshly opened can of Tartan Special.
Of course, entering the seas around Australia invites an encounter with any number of deadly critters whose primary aim is to inflict pain and/or death on trespassing humans.
Stonefish, box jellyfish, sea snakes, yellow sea anemones, moray eels and cone snails, to mention only a few.
Then there's the barbed stingray, which did for Steve Irwin, an Aussie bloke so carefree and cavalier his erstwhile favourite pastime was juggling crocodiles.
No, when you take all of the above into consideration, it's probably best to keep your feet on terracotta - in other words on the tiled floor of your bijou barbecue area.
When all's said and done, it's far safer and the only shark you're liable to come across is the mate of the bloke next door who works in insurance and can get you a ripper of a deal on a life plan policy - 'Fair dinkum mate, it's straightforward, guaranteed and affordable'.
On second thoughts, I think I'll take my chances in the ocean.
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