Russell Leadbetter

SO there was Iain Todd, watching the 5k Park Run in Tollcross. An older woman was running alongside her daughter, who was proudly shouting encouragement and praise at her.

Ah, Iain thought admiringly. It's so sweet to see mum and daughters sharing this special bonding moment.

Even better, he says, was when the the mum took one look at her offspring and thanked her by shouting "Why don't you just **** off and let me run my own race!"

JACK Laugher has become only the second British diver to win an individual World Championships medal, taking bronze at the World Aquatics Championships in Kazan, Russia.

Interviewed on the BBC at the weekend he said he was pleased to have won a medal. Ever the perfectionist, he admitted he wasn't entirely happy with some of his dives but explained that diving is like that - or, as he put it, “it’s an up and down sport."

"Quite", says Peter Niven, who watched Laugher's interview with interest.

FURTHER definitions of outrageous optimism? How about the 93-year-old member of Glasgow Golf Club who, according to David Begg, has purchased a brand new driver?

Or, for that matter, says George Smith, the big Tesco ad in last Friday's Herald, flogging Factor 30 sun lotion?

YOU may possibly have read of widespread unrest over the decision to name Glasgow's new super hospital after the Queen, but if Bob Jeffrey's information is correct, it's too late. "Medics tell me it is already known as Betty's place," he tells the Diary.

AND still the classroom tales reach our inbox. Gordon Evans is reminded of the time when his sister's class was asked to produce a sentence to illustrate the meaning of 'to hit the nail on the head'. One bright (or maybe not-so-bright) spark came up with "to hit the nail on the head you need a hammer."

PAUL McBride, meantime, relates the story of the geography teacher who tells his class: "For this exercise you will need to utilise your map of Great Britain."

An awkward customer at the back asks: "Sir, what does 'utilise' mean?"

"Use," responds the teacher.

A brief silence while this sinks in. "Us?" asks the pupil.

PUT-downs, continued. Grant Young volunteers a line he has picked up in the course of several Burns Suppers - it runs "he had all the personality of a fireside poker - but lacking its occasional warmth."

AUTHOR Irvine Welsh's tweet yesterday lunchtime caught our eye.

"I'm off to Hollywood," he said. "It'll all be false smiles, broken promises, deceit and heartbreak."

"But, well," he added, "their track record isn't good either."

THE habit of making the place where you live sound posher than it actually is (yesterday's Diary) isn't confined to Glasgow.

Alan Stewart, in the small Ayrshire village of Dunlop, says some local people have been bemused to learn that residents in two private, and relatively new, housing developments have taken to calling their locations 'Upper Dunlop'.

Alan himself lives further up the hill than these residents, some of whom, he says, sound like refugees from Newton Mearns and Upper Whitecraigs. Which may or may not explain things.