RUSSELL LEADBETTER

THIS reminded us, for some reason, of the scene in Pretty Woman in which Julia Roberts is humiliated by a trio of snooty shop assistants who decline to serve her.

Robin Gilmour says his wife recently learned about a Govan woman who supposedly won a jackpot at the bingo and wanted to treat herself in a certain store in Glasgow's Buchanan Street.

Unfortunately, the assistants seemed to be more interested in chatting to each other than attending to her.

She turned to walk out of the store, at which one of the assistants broke off her conversation and somewhat loftily asked: "Can I help you, madam?"

To which our Govan woman replied: "Must be terrible having to work!" .. and departed.

GOLF can be difficult enough with local wildlife getting in on the act.

John Farquhar alerts the Diary to an incident last Thursday evening, when three friends were walking on the first fairway at Douglas Park Golf Club, Bearsden.

A fox appeared from the undergrowth and brazenly walked across the course, picked up the ball and nonchalantly made off with it.

Could it be, muses John, that this fox has been trained for ball-retrieving duties at the nearby driving range? And is it time for the R&A to consider introducing a ‘fox’ into the scoring system?

READER John Mulholland is just back in the office from a week on Skye and faced all the usual questions from his colleagues. "Midges?" someone asked. For fun, John replied, "No midgies - they have green and blue wheelie bins for waste disposal just like us."

For the benefit of non-West of Scotland readers, Tony Roper, in his book, I'll No' Tell You Again, defines midgies as "square brick outhouses" where bins were stored.

WE'RE so accustomed to rock groups breaking up for unspecified "musical differences" or to pursue other career options that it's refreshing to come across a group who tell it like it is.

Mike Ritchie says he played a track by the North Carolina band, Trailer Bride, on his Celtic Music Radio Sunday show at the weekend. Alas, however, Trailer Bride are no more. An announcement on their record label's website says simply: "Due to cultural indifference, interpersonal difficulties or a simple need to pay the bills, the band broke up.”

READER Bob Jarvie says his independent financial adviser really should have gone to Specsavers.

Apparently, the IFA woke up after a night on the tiles with one of his contact lenses stuck to his eye.

He went to his opticians, where he was told that he'd need to wait an hour before being seen to.

After an hour, the assistant asked for his details but could not find them on the system.

The man explained that he had been a loyal customer of Specsaver's for more than a decade.

In that case, the assistant replied firmly, "You had better go to them - their shop is across the street."

CLEVERER film titles, continued. David Walker's offerings:

* C+ in Seattle

* The Post Graduate

* Double First Indemnity

* Planet of the A+

*and The Mighty Dux