RUSSELL LEADBETTER

IN order to bring to an end the controversy over Glasgow's new super hospital being named after the Queen, a reader suggests a new name: South Hospital, University of Glasgow.

Or "Shuggie", for short.

A READER was alarmed to read in the Glasgow Life e-newsletter that "Police Scotland is carrying out an eight week Housebreaking Operation in Glasgow until the middle of September."

Visions of the boys and girls in blue jemmying open people's windows briefly filled her head before she read the next paragraph: "And they are appealing to you, if you see anyone acting suspiciously around people’s homes phone 101, or 999 if it is urgent."

"They could maybe have phrased that first line better," she says.

FOOTBALL news: in the wake of Kilmarnock's 4-0 defeat by Dundee on Saturday, reader Richard Fowler claims to have been told that Killie have decided to build a new stadium under water, on the grounds that they may able to win one of the 20,000 leagues under the sea. And, he might have added, they will be able to use all their subs...

CODA Music, Edinburgh's specialist folk, roots and vinyl shop, is marking its 25th anniversary with instore gigs on August 9th, 15th and 16th.

In its time Coda has attracted some strange questions and comments from tourists, according to the owners, Rose and Dougie.

Selected highlights:

* "Is the Castle still at the top of the hill?"

* "Can you tell me how to get to Warwick Castle?"

* "The thing I like best about Edinburgh is standing on the corner of George Street and being able to look all the way across to Holland."

* "Do you have any CDs like the one that’s playing now?"

* and (in a phone call): "You’re on the Mound, how high above sea level are you?"

GLASGOW comedian Des Clarke hosted the Lanarkshire Business Excellence Awards a few years back. One company, Smart Compliance Ltd, was up for The Most Innovative Business Award for its invention of a carbon monoxide detector that sends a text if carbon monoxide is present. Director Billy Mitchell remembers Des presenting the award and quipping: “For ---- sake - ma Da cannae even send a text!"

ANDY Cumming says a friend has recently moved into a new house which backs onto a railway line. His kids have spent the holidays running up the garden, waving at passing trains and counting the number of times they get waved at in return. Their dad says ruefully that it's like living in the film, The Railway Children.

CLASSROOM tales - there's no stopping them. Russell Smith recalls: "Many years ago, a manic and obviously unemployable locum teacher harangued us that he would have us doing mental arithmetic no matter how long it took. One of us, not sotto voce enough, observed that he would have us mental before long." There was nothing wrong with the teacher's hearing, however. Result: a belting.

APROPOS of yesterday's item about Glasgow's "midgies", the bin-stores of old (one reader remembers them being called "middens", but both names apply) ... does anyone know where the term "scaffie" comes from?