SNOW White descended upon Glasgow this week in the form of a mini-show promo for the upcoming panto at the King’s Theatre, a sampler of a show starring Gregor Fisher as the Henchman, Juliet Cadzow as the Wicked Queen and Des Clarke as Muggles the Idiot.
But the show should be applauded for reasons beyond the great cast; Snow White is one of most of the most difficult pantos of all to stage. Over the years attempts to stage the tale of deception, delusion and ultimate delight (even at the King’s) have melted faster than you can say ‘Mirror, mirror.’
Part of the problem with the panto is the cast. Now, it’s not hard to find a Snow White in Scotland. The porcelain skin and rosy cheeks come easy when you live in a fridge for most of the year. And there are many young ladies who can display alarming dress sense.
It’s also not too hard to find a Wicked Queen. Scotland produces more than its fair share of talented actresses who are prepared to pluck their eyebrows like an oven-ready, who can channel their inner Joan Crawford rather easily and scare the nation’s weans witless, from Dawn Steele to Stanley Baxter. And Princes, who can turn up looking handsome and snog a girl, without even asking her name, are common as commoners.
But it is hard to find little people. There aren’t too many acting dwarfs in Britain, even less in Scotland, and when it comes to casting time, they tend to be Heigh Ho-ing and carrying little pick axes in pantos across the country. One theatre producer in Glasgow avoided staging Snow White for that very reason. Once, when he did attempt a production, the best he could manage was six dwarfs. This meant a re-written script in which Snow White was informed Sleepy liked to spend a lot of time in his bed. Then the same theatre boss had to write a stookie into the script. The reason? One dwarf turned up for work on a Monday morning with a broken arm. It transpires he’d been taking part in a dwarf throwing contest, been thrown too far, and hit the side of a barn door.
The other tricky problem with Snow White is its association with Disney, which means the likes of Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey Happy and Doc have to be renamed.
The King’s panto this year is currently in the process of coming up with suitables. But they’re all rather anaemic. Given the panto is being staged in Glasgow, surely writer Eric Potts must make his dwarfs Glaswegian? It means they will resonate - and corporate lawyers keep clear.
How about calling them Snottie, Crabbit, Glaikit, Wasted, Shattered .. . and Dick. Now, I know what you’re thinking; ‘There are only six names. Where’s Happy?’ Well, remember, the word ‘happy’ doesn’t really exist in the Scots lexicon. Except perhaps in the head of the casting director who managed to find seven short people.
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