A READER who quite rightly deplores graffiti, spots on the wall of the toiler cubicle at Waterstone's bookshop in Edinburgh's Princes Street, that someone had written: "You'd think a bookshop would have something to read in here."

Quite logically someone had added below it: "I guess they do now."

CINEMA shouts continued. Jim Adamson from Greenock remembers a night at the BB Cinema when a character opined he loved the feel of a pear. A voice from the back stalls cried, 'A pair of whit'?"

We had also mentioned a screening of the Exorcist and it reminds Roy Gullane: "Many years ago I went to a matinee performance of The Exorcist. There I was, in the cinema surrounded by OAPs, watching the young Linda Blair lying in her bed, head spinning, covered in green slime. Scary? Briefly, until I heard the old lady behind me, obviously one of those real Glasgow wifies that had seen everything say, 'Aw, the wee sowl!'"

WE asked how you were coping with the school holidays, and a Hillhead reader tells us: "My six-year-old walked into the room and said, 'Don't worry, Dad. I'm OK'. I immediately knew it was time to search the house to find what he had broken."

ACTOR Sir Roger Moore is coming to Glasgow's Theatre Royal in November to have a chat about his career. We remember when Roger was interviewed by Scottish journalist Alan Fisher for GMTV in Kosovo where the actor was invited in his role as an ambassador for Unicef. Said Alan: "Killing time before our live cross to London I didn't want to do the obvious thing and ask him about Bond, so, remembering a trailer I saw, I asked if The Spice Girls movie was the last thing he'd done.

"He gave me a smile, raised his eyebrow, and answered in that wonderful voice, 'Yes'. And after a dramatic pause, he added, 'And it was shite!' "

Roger once told the story that actor Noel Coward was asked to play the villain in the Bond film Dr No. He sent the producers a telegram which simply stated: "Dr No? No! No! No!"

JUST when I thought a colleague had gone off on holiday, he creeps up behind me and announces: "Did you know that I was banned from the Eskimo lottery? It seems you have to be Inuit to win it."

MORE signs you are getting old. A reader back from holiday in America tells us: "I was horrified to discover I was humming along to the music being played in my hotel lift. It's all downhill from now."

MATT Vallance passes on the Spice Girls inspired comment: "Everyone's quitting at the moment. Chris Evans – Ginger, David Cameron – Posh, Roy Hodgson – Sporty, Boris Johnson – Baby, and Nigel Farage – Scary.

"Now, tell us what they want, what they really, really want."

TALKING of Farage, Adam Hess explains it as: "Nigel Farage is the housemate at uni who encouraged everyone to throw a party, but then left the next morning so they didn't have to tidy up."

A READER phones to tell us he is still trying to work out the chap in the local shops who was discussing the Tory Party leadership and declared: "It's dog eat dog, and vice versa."