WE are amazed at the number of things you can do with your mobile phone. Now a Newton Mearns reader tells us another we hadn't thought of. He says: "I was driving home through Thornliebank in the dark when the speed camera flashed at me. I immediately slammed on the brakes hoping to get my speed down.

"It was then I saw the laughing teenager standing below the camera who had simply flash the built-in torch in his camera at me."

SUPPORTERS' buses continued. Recalls entertainer Andy Cameron: "Was talking to a pal and he reminded me of a trip to see Rangers play Wolverhampton Wanderers in 1961. Having left Ru'glen at 6am, and drink being taken, four of us went to see Elvis in Flaming Star when we arrived early. We were then ejected for snoring.

"Mind you, if the manager hadn't put us out we would've missed the kick-off."

ONE surely shouldn't take relationship advice from a chap in a Glasgow pub, but nevertheless a reader heard one such toper at the weekend declare: "'Nothing, I'm just tired'. Every woman three days before they tell you what's actually wrong."

WE liked mordant author Lionel Shiver's take on people's fears of an economic meltdown which is the basis of her book The Mandibles. She told her audience at the Edinburgh Book Festival: "All you have to do is take away everyone's virgin oil and the middle classes start to riot."

Incidentally, she imagined in her book that America becomes such a financial mess that Mexico builds a wall to keep Americans out. "I swear Donald Trump got hold of a proof copy," she said.

SAD to see the end of the Olympics. We suspect Graeme Stewart is a Rangers fan as he comments: "Following Tom Daley's failure in the Olympic diving, he has appointed two new coaches - Jamie Walker and Leigh Griffiths."

DENIS Bruce in Bishopbriggs overhears two woman discussing shopping, with one praising Asda's venison burgers which she declared were lovely. Her pal replied: "But are they no' a bit dear?" and Denis had to fight the urge to praise her for being anatomically correct.

OUR story about singer Danny Kaye throwing away a walking stick gifted to him by Harry Lauder is debunked by fellow American James Marturano who tells us: "Danny, while visiting Sir Harry, would have seen his famous curio room which was filled with sticks, so he couldn't possible have thought the stick given to him was unique. In addition, Danny actually used the gifted stick in later years in shows and would also tell a fond Lauder story.

"So it may be a good tale, but it is only being used to malign the memory of Sir Harry and make Danny Kaye look like an ingrate."

Thanks for that James.

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from Scott Hoad who says: "The next time someone asks you if you got the train to work, tell them no, it's not your job to fix trains."