COULD Japanese men “smell harass” Donald Trump out of the presidential race? Mr Trump’s already sniffing. He’s vulnerable.

First, smell harassment? Yes, it exists. Japan has a company called Mandom Corp, its biggest manufacturer of male products, from hair gel to deodorants. It’s been holding seminars on how to avoid “smell harassment” at work.

Japanese men, apparently, are not the most attentive to personal hygiene in the hot, humid summer. They’ve been creating unprofessional man pongs that erode office air quality and irk the growing number of women in Japan’s workforce; so we have odour etiquette seminars.

A breath of fresh air in Japanese corporate culture, during which attendees are advised on tackling body odour using, for instance, a post-luncheon minty floss or light application of cologne. Other than wondering if these seminars should extend to Scotland, might they nod towards another Japanese export and be called “Hello Clarty”, I left it there – until the TV debate between Mr Trump and Hillary Clinton.

Mr Trump chided America’s allies for not paying enough for protection by the US. He particularly mentioned Japan. In so doing, he singled out a country where protocol is everything and you don’t offend people. This is a country, after all, that is capable of kicking up a stink.

Japan won’t respond militarily to any insult, but might their men come together and organise mass smell harassment of the US? Man smog from the east?

Mr Trump will know the prevailing winds – he must consult them every day to know how best to angle his head at rallies to manage his hair. Think of the effects if that wind were to carry nasal pollution: sneezing; expectorating. It’s one way to ensure he lives in a nation of hawks.

Let’s stick with unusual matters of diplomacy but move not quite so far east. Boris Johnson has been in Turkey where, to smooth over difficulties after insults to that nation, he praised its technology, saying: “I am certainly the proud owner of a beautiful, very well functioning Turkish washing machine.” Applauding Turkish workers’ ability for any kind of revolution, even when it involves a drum, is interesting timing; it’s not long since that attempted coup, Boris.

I’d sure like to test the suggestion he is closing the gender housework gap. “Mr Foreign Secretary, you’re known for your love of cycles. But a delicates cycle? Or one for heavy soiling? Do tell, which is your favourite on that Turkish machine?”

He has highlighted how much more difficult the public arena is for female politicians. Say, during the presidential debate, Turkey had come up between insults and Mrs Clinton had referenced US-Turkey trade. Imagine she’d talked of her washing machine. What would the headlines and tweets have been?

“Clinton puts women back in kitchen”; “Clinton: Lace relations over race relations”; “Clinton in whitewash claims”.

Politics already make my nose wrinkle. And that could be nothing to what lies ahead.