Token response

WE liked the honesty of Scots Lib Dem leader Willie Rennie discussing cannabis on Radio Scotland yesterday when he explained he used it at university. “Do you still use it now Willie?” he was asked.

“It might look like it, but I don’t,” he replied.

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Drinking in the scene

STILL trying to rein in our police horse stories as Alastair Donald in Langholm tells us: “My brother David was once astride his trusty polis horse at Ibrox, chivvying the turnstile queue into a semblance of order when he sensed his mare beneath him settle down for a pee.

“Immediately as said emission hit the tarmac, a Rangers fan opined, ‘Awe typical - nae cups in the machine’.”

Neigh danger

TALKING of police horses, Manchester Police reported on social media: “Suns out, and we’ve had a few calls to alcohol issues already. Latest is to man who has defecated in a pub beer garden.”

A chap named Iain Macdonald replied: “Surely that’s not illegal. Police horses do it all the time in the street.”

But the police replied: “If you see a drunk police horse do one in a beer garden, let us know.”

The write way

MORE on the late Rev James Currie as a reader recalls that Jimmy would write down all the jokes he heard from other speakers at events he was at. Thus Jimmy Logan turned to him at one Burns Supper and asked: “Am I speaking slowly enough for you, Jimmy?”

And we remember that Rikki Fulton was also amused by Jimmy’s note-taking and dubbed him “The Thief of Bad Gags”.

Needs more training

WE are sent research claiming that the 4.22 am train from Glasgow Central to Manchester Airport is the train most likely to be cancelled on any train route in Britain. Can’t help thinking there’s a Scottish driver out there who doesn’t like getting up at half-three in the morning.

Conservatively speaking

MORE on politics as we try to make sense of the Tory manifesto launched yesterday. A reader tries to help by emailing: “Conservative Party announces plans to reduce net immigration by making Britain a terrible place to live.”

Pillow talk

AND the claim that the Labour Party manifesto is reminiscent of the seventies was being discussed in a Glasgow pub yesterday. One toper claimed: “When I was a nipper in the seventies, my father was a shop steward. He would begin every bedtime story, ‘Once upon a time and a half’.”

Not where I left it

A READER tells us he heard a woman in a south side coffee shop tell her pals, who all had jobs, that she was extremely busy even though she was a stay-at-home wife. She did add though: “My husband thinks that half my time is spent hiding his stuff in the house.

“He’s daft - that only takes about a quarter of my time.”