WHAT’S not to love about Michelle Mone? The one-time bra queen has again taken it in the diamante-bejewelled neck, this time for her Lords speech record (twice in a year). And it was soon followed by a hit to the stomach she so admirably shrunk by six stones (to give her the glossy mag bikini body) she after labelling an MSP “a moron.”
But why can’t we love the forthright blonde with the Bahamian blonde hair, teeth whiter than the soul of a postulant nun and the crease-free, forty-six year-old face? Hers is an East End of Glasgow Cinderella story of a lady who fought off poverty and fish suppers to become a glamourous Baroness and David Cameron’s very own “start up Czar.”
READ MORE: Tory peer Michelle Mone has to clarify businesses boast after Twitter spat with MP
Michelle Mone should in fact be lionised, this mother-of-three who moved from Promotions Girl at Radio Clyde to becoming one of the best self-promoters in the business; if Mone were American there’s a real chance she would be holding the little hand of The Donald right now.
Yet, what do we do? We give her pelters.
What do the Michelle moaners have to mump their gums about? Over the years it’s been argued her initial success, the Ultimo bra company, was in fact down to her ex-husband and the lady herself little more than décolletage, a huge front for pulling in famous people to front her front loaders.
It was claimed her initial sales strategy – Julia Roberts wore her bra in Erin Brockovich - was a story more stretched than the elastic on the support equipment she was selling, given the film was already in the can when her company was launched. But what’s a couple of months in business? And didn’t Mone follow up her PR stunts wonderfully, hiring the likes of Rod Stewart’s then girlfriend Penny Lancaster and ex-wife Rachel Hunter to wear her skimpies? Sure, Rod labelled the Scots businesswoman a “manipulative cow”, but as Mandy Rice- Davies once proclaimed of Profumo, “He would say that, wouldn’t he.”
Along the way, we’ve had to listen to demands for Mone to reveal which of her many business ventures have in fact proved to have been successful. And yes, the Labour supporters in our little world, and indeed the Nationalists, and the Scottish Conservatives who believe in total business transparency, may wish to throw rotten fruit at the face of Cameron’s superscot. And there are those who criticise her simply because she changed sides. But didn’t Maurice Johnston almost get away with it?
Sure, Ms Mone may have voted for benefit cuts and may have once used tax avoidance schemes EBTs. But doesn’t this simply show she is unburdened by sentimentality?
There are those who’ve hinted Michelle Mone’s greatest success to be her talent for self-promotion. She certainly created great copy every time she had a “tryst” with the likes of cricketer Shane Warne or singer Shayne Ward. One former associate even claimed MM had bought social media followers. But if true, doesn’t this suggest real out-of-the-box business savvy? And hasn’t the world loved her pics taken on thick-carpeted swirling staircases, wearing fabulous frocks?
Yes, the cynics suggested MM didn’t actually own her Mayfair or the £2million Tower Bridge apartments – pointing out they were rented. But rental-schmental, who cares? What matters now is she lives in a mansion home in the Isle of Man (tax haven) and it is “fabulous.” More importantly, she has bagged herself a billionaire in Scots businessman Douglas Barrowman. And since he too is closely connected to the world of EBTs, they make the perfect couple.
READ MORE: Tory peer Michelle Mone has to clarify businesses boast after Twitter spat with MP
Michelle Moan OBE also has OCD and huge determination so we can be wonderfully optimistic about the Baroness’s drive to create business in Britain’s poorest barrios. So let’s lay off Michelle. She may not say much in the Lords, but so what? She can charge up to £20k a time for after-dinner speaking and has no trouble at all flogging her gorgeous diamante jewellery on the QVC channel, essentially the Barras on television, suggesting she’s still spiritually aligned to her East End roots. “A’m involved in so many things right now” she revealed to the wide-eyed presenter, then added, revealing perfect teeth, “and right now a’m into cryptocurrency. A’m Mrs Bitcoin.”
We should take Mrs Bitcoin to our collective bosom. Let’s try and banish our Tall Blonde Poppy Syndrome. Let’s not listen to the hollow, jealous cynics out there who may say Bitcoin sales is the perfect business strategy for someone of no real substance because Michelle Mone is still a working class heroine.
Remember, not everyone can be a Mary Barbour, worrying about rent increases. Michelle has enough property concerns of her own right now, trying to flog off the apartments she and Doug own in their £250m “mega development in Dubai.”
So let’s simply highlight the highlights of the lady with the perfect highlights.
And don’t for a minute think this column is written in a satirical manner, just because the lady has the Herald lawyers on speed-dial.
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