Change of heart

PRESIDENT Trump’s bizarre “clarification” of his Helsinki speech - “In a key sentence in my remarks I said the word ‘would’ instead of ‘wouldn’t’” has led many others to follow suit.

American singer-songwriter Richard Marx, for one.

Back in 1989 he had a huge hit with a song, Right Here Waiting, the stirring chorus of which began, “Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here, waiting for you.”

“I misspoke,” Marx admitted to his 98,000 followers on Twitter yesterday. “I meant to say I ‘wouldn’t’ be right here waiting for you.”

Knock on Wouldn’t

IN much the same vein:

* Two classic songs from the sixties have been re-named as, respectively, Knock on Wouldn’t and Norwegian Wouldn’t.

* Meatloaf was widely said yesterday to have declared: “I misspoke. I wouldn’t do anything for love. But I would do that.”

* David Baddiel got in on the act, imagining the Proclaimers admitting that they too had misspoken in their song: "In fact, I wouldn't walk 500 miles. I mean, let's be honest, I'd have no knees left."

Someone else tweeted that Trump "couldn't see the wood for the treason."

We suspect this one will run and run.

Alternative facts

BUS tours, continued. John Barrington writes: “A while ago, one of the tour bus drivers, who frequented Inversnaid Hotel, was renowned for pointing out places of interest to his passengers, mostly people from south of Hadrian’s Wall.

“His particular passion seemed to be ancient battlefields; here the hillside where the Scots beat the Auld Enemy, there the field where the Scots triumphed over the Auld Enemy, And so on, day after day.

“Towards the end of one particular holiday, a visitor spoke up saying that, from his now rather distant schooldays, he could remember the teacher telling of an occasional English victory over the Scots. This met with the instant rejoinder, ‘No’ on my bus, they didn’t!’”

Rednecks and red faces

AND there’s this, from Bert Peattie:

“While on a bus tour of Key West in Florida, I was sitting beside Jimmy, a guy who didn’t admit to deafness, but like many others with that problem, spoke in a very loud voice.

“At one stage in the tour we passed ‘The Little White House’ built by President Truman as a holiday retreat. As we approached, the tour guide stopped speaking and the The Stars Spangled Banner was played.

“A little while later while passing the naval base, the commentary again fell silent, and Anchors Away, the march of the American Navy, was played.

“In the few seconds of silence following this, Jimmy chose to declare very loudly, ‘Aren’t these Americans full of ----?’

“As the bus was filled with a great many rednecks, built like the proverbial, I tried to look as if I was part of the Japanese tour group further back in the bus.”

Hard to swallow

AND while we’re on the subject of tourists, Deedee Cuddihy’s observation makes interesting reading.

“I was on the Glasgow to Edinburgh train last week,” she says, “sitting across from a middle-aged American couple who were, apparently, heading back to their Edinburgh holiday base, having had a day out in Glasgow

“The woman says to the man: ‘You know the best part about our day in Glasgow? Going into that little shop and having the square sausage.’ True story.”