WHEN the Editor suggested I might be interested in writing about Father's Day, I found myself resistant. Why, I wondered, did I not feel comfortable with the prospect? And then the penny dropped: it’s too controversial, too complex. Like the debate that rages in the Church of England about same-sex marriage, the "father question" has become a bit of a powder keg. Or the elephant in the room.
The role of the protecting, providing, lord of the household kind of father has been force-fed change since the early 1900s, accelerated by the role-bending, rapid spin-cycles of two world wars. By the 1950s, women weren't what they used to be and in the wake of that momentous change, the authority of the "father" as economic and moral head of the household began to diminish.
With the rise of feminism throughout the 1960s and 1970s, the aspirations and expectations of women altered profoundly. No longer economically and socially dependent on men, women’s expectations shifted: they wanted more than a roof over their head where they could reproduce and keep a tidy house. They demanded emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction and equal status with men.
Looking back, it was hard for men to keep up with the rate of change. They were in new territory, going where no man had gone before. Is it so surprising that the fallout from these seismic shifts in family life and, in particular, the role of the provider/protector, continues to stoke the father identity crisis?
There are two million single-parent families in the UK (25 per cent of all families in the UK). Most single-parent households are headed by women, with 10 per cent being headed by men. Depending on which research and statistics you choose to believe, it seems that the role of the father is either more or less significant. Certainly, two-parent households are economically better off than single-parent families. When it comes to the socio-emotional wellbeing of children in two-parent families – where there is a good level of father involvement and where the parents have a good relationship – children in these families tend to fare better at school.
However, fatherhood, unlike motherhood, is more vulnerable to interpersonal and environmental influences. In families where the couple have a collaborative and loving relationship, fathers are more likely to be supportive of and involved in their children’s lives. Conversely, where the couple are in conflict and the relationship undermined, it is the father who is much more likely to withdraw or opt out altogether from his role within the family. Mother-child attachment is less vulnerable to socio-economic and contextual factors. This suggests that the father-child attachment is more shaped and affected by the overall family and societal systems.
If this is the case, should we be focusing more on supporting couples to maintain healthy and respectful relationships as the underpinning to securely-attached children and targeting support on families that are chaotic or economically deprived?
There is no simple answer, but recent research called Growing Up In Scotland, conducted by the Scottish Government and published in March this year, looked at 2,500 couples families. The results show that the role of fathers is both fundamental and unique in the family system. Positive and supportive father-child relationships appear to enhance the child’s socio-emotional wellbeing and cognitive function. The research also shows that where there is a father-figure who is not the child’s biological parent, the relationship can be problematic and perceived as less supportive by the child. (perhaps father-figures feel they have to compete with or are undermined by the biological father?)
The tsunami of change that has swept through traditional family life over the last century has destabilised its rickety foundations. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing since there was much wrong with the old-style family where men were from Mars and women were from Venus. Human beings, regardless of their gender, tend to struggle with change as it usually involves navigating through the great unknown.
This Father's Day might be a good time for men and women alike to reflect on their roles as parents and how they might make things better for one another so that family life – whatever its shape or colour – is a place where small people (who will be the mothers and fathers of future generations) feel that they really matter.
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