Making a splash
OUR mention of the late Raymond Jacobs, The Herald’s golf correspondent, having a colourful turn of phrase reminds a fellow journalist of playing on The Herald’s golf outing at a very posh East Lothian course. His group was teeing off at the third when the club secretary shouted over at them to hurry up as they were delaying some members. The actual members were still on the first hole.
Raymond later wrote to the club captain, thanking him for a great day on a great course with superb dining. He then added the observation that the captain should perhaps suggest to the club secretary “that he should stop acting like a boating pond attendant”.

Coining it in
TELLING youngsters about the past, continued. Says Dave Biggart: “I was describing to my kids many years ago about our currency system pre-decimal. Twelve pennies to the shilling, 30 pennies to a half crown, 20 shillings to the pound. Their wee faces just looked at me with amazement and then my son aged six said, ‘who could be so stupid to invent a system like that!’”

Out of order
THE pubs being busy just now reminds a veteran barman of his first shift in a Glasgow bar when he was asked for a “half and a half pint” which used to be a common tipple. He tells us: “I served the whisky, turned to pour the half pint, and when I took it over I couldn’t see the customer. He had done a runner after drinking the whisky. From that day on I always served the beer first when asked for a half and a half.”

Giving the drummer stick
SINGING legend Bob Dylan is playing a gig in Glasgow next May. We recall a reader once telling us that he saw Bob in America where he actually told a joke. Bob introduced his drummer as “a guy who there wasn’t nothing he wouldn’t do for me, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him – and we’ve been going through our whole life doing nothing for each other”. 

Careless whispers
OUR tales of growing old brings the observation from Ron Fretwell in East Kilbride: “I caught myself talking to myself out loud in the supermarket, asking if I needed a certain item. Fortunately no one gave me a second glance as these days folk assume you are speaking into a mobile phone.”

Worth waiting for
AH, housing lists – used to be a big debate amongst folk in Glasgow. Says David Will in Milngavie: “Going through some old papers I discovered a postcard from the City Improvements Department, addressed to my late father and dated 1945. It acknowledges his application for a corporation house. I am curious to establish the status of this application but unfortunately the general manager does not include his telephone number so I guess I will have to call in at his office at 37 High Street (one up) next time I am in town.”

On a platter
TODAY’S daft seasonal advice comes from Ben: “People don’t like to be served alcohol on an empty stomach. “Consider using a small tray instead.”

Lost in translation
SAD to hear of the death of Tory MSP Alex Johnstone. We remember when the STV show Politics Now was showing a debate from the Parliament and Alex was getting stuck into the then Labour Government. A viewer asked if it was true that Labour’s Margaret Curran had muttered “Ach ma a***” in reply to Alex. The producer re-ran it a few times before being able to tell the viewer that Margaret had told Alex: “That’s a bit harsh.’’