As ever, your correspondent caught only the end of Scottish Questions, the biggest waste of time in western democracy.

They should just rename it The Scottish Problem. Same guff every time: Christine Jardine (Lib Dem, Edinburgh West) putting the boot into the Scottish Government and being congratulated for doing so by, on this occasion, “Scotland minister” and household name John Lamont.

For his part, Alister Jack, the actual Scottish Secretary, sooked on a sweetie (seriously) before intoning his usual mantra: “I believe that support for the Union is strong … we are safer, stronger and more prosperous.” That’s a cracker, Jack.

Then we had the usual English Tory MP - on this occasion Robbie Moore - explaining Scotland to us: “It is about time that the SNP stopped obsessing about a referendum and blah-blah.”

Mr Jack, a prime political candidate for being replaced by AI, responded: “I completely agree.”

We completely agree too: you’re a waste of space.

Surprisingly, given his arsing about at the end of Prime Minister’s Questions - or The Prime Minister Problem - last week, Chris Law (SNP) was first up this week, with an attack on the personal financial arrangements of the PM’s family compared to that of the poverty-stricken punters of Dundee West.

Read more: Prime Minister's Questions: Bum note in Parliament

Rishi Sunak, the PM under advisement, replied that inequality was lower today than in 2010. Given the elite’s massive salaries and bonuses that we keep reading about, and this answer coming so soon after the Alister in Wonderland experience of Scottish Questions, I started to feel dizzy, as if I’d stepped into a dream.

More disturbingly, I appeared to be on the same wavelength as Labour opposition leader Keir Starmer, who averred: “Every week, whatever the topic, he paints this picture that everything is great and fine out there. It’s so at odds with the lived experience in the real world.”

Interesting thought. Every week, PMQs is a contest of opposition rhetoric versus Government facts. But, sometimes, you suspect the rhetoric is more in tune with reality than the facts. Is this a thing? Do the Germans have a word for it? Bilgenwibbletechnik?

Sir Keir wanted to know if, during his recent meeting with Chinese premier Li Qiang at a G20 summit in India, Mr Sunak had raised the specific case of an alleged Chinese spy at the Hoose o’ Commons. “Yes or no?” Ever the optimist, old Keir.

Rishi referred the honourable gentleman to a previous answer. I’m far too busy to look that up but suspect it was: “Raised? Not ‘raised’ as such, no. So: yes. Sort of. But not necessarily in the sense of ‘raised’.”

Keir’s verdict: “Well, that certainly wasn’t a yes.” Say what you like about Rishi, he isn’t a yes-man. Or a no-man. Or indeed an answer-man. Mind you, he had a fair query of his own: “I would be interested to hear what he would do differently.” Keir? Obviously, he’d have said: “China, eh? Tell me more about your fascinating country.”

Speaking for the fascinating country of Scotland, or at least its flag-waving faction, SNP Westminster leader Stephen Flynn wanted to know if Rishi, “someone who spends more on heating their swimming pool than the total value of the UK state pension”, would save the triple-lock? “Yes or No?”

Yes or no: it’s so unfair. How’s the Prime Minister of Britain supposed to know what he’s planning?

Rishi pointed to the fantastical fact that it was the Conservatives who’d introduced the triple-lock, and listed various other payments that gave British pensioners the life of Reilly.

Stephen (laughing): “I don’t think we heard a ‘yes’ there.”

He then asked the mob to “imagine my shock” at the apparent consensus between Tory and Labour on the issue, and reminded them of Gordon Brown’s “hollow” claim during the 2014 referendum that the only way to protect the pension was to stay in the UK.

Accordingly, he asked the PM who he thought would scrap the triple-lock first: his Conservatives or Labour? Another easy question with an arduous answer.

Rishi said his Government remained “committed to the triple-lock”. Somehow, though, you felt there must be a catch with this lock. The PM added: “Pensioners in Scotland should know the reason they can rely on the state pension [is] because of the strength of our Union.” I see.

There were other aspects to proceedings that made your reporter dizzy. Conservative back-benchers spoke of “the people’s priorities” and being on the side of the British worker. Labour’s Lillian Greenwood complained about cuts to the British Army.

Jeremy Corbyn must have been spinning in his hammock. I had to have a wee lie-down myself.