If the shoe fits
Anas Sarwar wasn’t pleased by Keir Starmer’s praise for Margaret Thatcher this week. The Scottish Labour leader even summoned the media around him to slag her off for “decimating” Scotland. No Tory cosplay for him! Alas, reporters couldn’t help noticing his Hugo Boss trainers worth the best part of £200, inevitably reminding them of Rishi Sunak in his £450 Prada loafers. Is anyone running Labour not a pseudo Tory?
 
Torpor, she wrote
Nicola Sturgeon was whinging into her £300k advance on Tuesday, as she revealed writing her memoir was proving harder work than she thought. "I would never contemplate having a ghost writer or even somebody who would help write it in that sense,” she told an audience in Edinburgh. “It's something I want to do. It's about my life. I want to obviously do it justice from that perspective.” Then perhaps try to obviously not horribly split any more infinitives.

Flour of Scotland
SOME shameless sucking up in Holyrood’s recent charity cake-making competition, which was judged by Kirsty, the parliament’s legendary barista. Tory MSP Sir Edward Mountain and his staff reckoned they were onto a winner by sculpting an epic sponge in the shape of Kirsty and her coffee bar. It came second to an anonymous chocolate log. Which just goes to show you - bakery will get you nowhere.

Dry wit
Scottish Liberal Democrat leader Alex Cole-Hamilton continues to get flak at Holyrood after it emerged he tried to vote remotely last month while suspiciously close to the parliament bar. Humza Yousaf even joined in at FMQs on Thursday. After ACH asked a question, one Nat MSP chuntered “Last orders” and the FM added gleefully: “Can I say it’s great to see Alex Cole-Hamilton in the Holyrood chamber.” Bound by convention, an unhappy ACH was forced to thank Mr Yousaf for his sarcastic reply. 

Fall McLennan
MSPs must correct the official record if they mislead parliament, a penance they hate. But sometimes there’s no avoiding it. SNP housing minister Paul McLennan had no choice his week after bragging about oodles of homes being built since March 2002. “This implied that almost 23,000 homes had been delivered since 2022,” he wrote to the Presiding Officer, “whereas they had been delivered since 2007”, a mere 15-year gap. He’s on £100K, you know.

Uni puny
John Swinney was back in the news on Thursday, when it was announced he was joining Glasgow University as an honorary professor in public policy. He would “bring a wealth of knowledge and experience”, gushed the Principal. A few hours later, Humza Yousaf was grilled over Scotland’s slide in the international education league tables.  The results, after a fall between 2018 and 2022, were “poor”, he admitted. And who was in charge of Scottish education from 2016 to 2021? Oh, yes. Good old Prof Swinney.  

Band apart
Culture Secretary Angus Robertson blabbed one of Holyrood’s little secrets on Wednesday, when he referred to the existence of the parly choir. It features Tory MSPs Alexander Stewart, Liam Kerr and Donald Lumsden, Labour’s Monica Lennon and Claire Baker, Alba's Ash Regan, and concert level Nat Michelle Thomson bashing the piano. It’s performing soon. Unspun will be there. We’ve never seen cross-party harmony at Holyrood before.