WAS I hallucinating or was I actually watching Prime Minister's Questions?
It has been so long – six weeks in fact – since the last one that people were beginning to forget what it looked like. Indeed, as Flashman appeared in the Commons chamber there was a loud ironic roar from the comrades.
But Red Ed's carefully-crafted attack on accident and emergency services in England was blown out of the water by the earlier leak of Labour's decision not to reverse the cuts to child benefit, which it so ferociously attacked when the Coalition announced them.
The PM could not believe his luck and after his opponent sought to destablise him on A&E, Dave took the opportunity to poke Ed in the eye, insisting how two years ago the Labour chief had condemned the Coalition in the strongest terms for cutting child benefit for better off families and now, lo and behold, it was Labour Party policy.
"What complete confusion and weakness," barked Dave to Tory cheers. Ed began to slowly sink into his seat.
There then followed an eight-minute ding-dong on A&E with both men batting each other over the head with a raft of statistics. The chief comrade accused Flashman of being utterly complacent and out of touch with the real world but no matter how many times Ed sought to up-end the PM, Dave had a smug smirk on his face because he knew the benefits issue was the headline.
"I know I've been the one on holiday in Ibiza," quipped Flashman, "but they have been the ones taking, how can I put it, policy-altering substances."
Tory stomachs bounced up and down with glee as Dave, noting how there was even talk of the Labour leadership quickly reversing its new-found policy before the paint on it was dry, added: "The truth is, the Leader of the Opposition is allowed to make coffee for the Shadow Chancellor but he can't tell him what the policy is."
As the volume rose and there were more arrows fired from Labour over the "crisis in A&E", the PM insisted the Opposition policy was to cut the NHS but as the Labour front bench gesticulated furiously, Dave interrupted himself and, taking on the guise of Basil Fawlty in full flow, burst forth with incredulity. "Oh, it's not. That's changed as well. We have a new health policy."
As the Tories giggled, Flashman added; "Honestly, there are so many U-turns they should be having a Grand Prix." Clearly proving, the PM has never been to a Grand Prix.
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