POOR Kezia Dugdale became only the second I’m A Celeb contestant to be voted off the show last weekend. She’s been criticised for making little impact in the jungle, and her failure to fully embrace a challenge that involved slurping down smoothies made from bull’s penis and ostrich and pig’s anus. But the former Scottish Labour leader did inspire an entire album by a satirical band calling themselves The Foul. On one track – set to Simon & Garfunkel’s classic 59th Street Bridge Song – the singer croons, “How’s it going with those Labour values? I never realised they entailed swallowing bull penis smoothie.” Brutal.
KEZ was met by her pal Alan Roden as she left the jungle – the former Labour spinner and Scottish Daily Mail political editor. They’ve since been snapped by paparazzi enjoying the Aussie sights, an experience Alan has found unsettling. But worse than being caught out by a long-lens camera was seeing his widening bald patch displayed on national TV as he greeted his friend and former boss. He’s suddenly become fond of wearing a Panama hat.
BACK home, Scottish Labour’s new leader Richard Leonard has been desperately trying to grab the political agenda from the SNP. But his performance at First Minister’s Questions has left some unimpressed. Tory spinner Adam Morris observed that rather than asking questions, “Leonard just pens a big speech, then cuts it into thirds”. On Wednesday, the MSP addressed a Unite rally for blacklisted workers outside the Scottish Parliament, where the Sex Pistol’s Anarchy in the UK could earlier be heard blasting out of speakers. Biting political satire? The jury’s out.
MEANWHILE, transport minister Humza Yousaf gave a statement on Scotland’s upcoming low emission zones to Holyrood, where he managed the impressive feat of speaking for half an hour without actually saying anything new. If only we could power vehicles on hot air alone.
POLITICAL hacks and SNP spinners huddled round the television in Holyrood’s bar in anticipation of Paisley being crowned UK City of Culture. Upon hearing that the accolade had, in fact, gone to Coventry, there was a mood of general dejection. But amid the gloom, a lone cry of UDI – Unilateral Declaration Of Independence – could be heard from the SNP corner.
POLITICIANS love nothing more than bashing the media, and this week the SNP’s Gordon MacDonald has been widely pilloried for denouncing the BBC as “fake news”. It’s far from the first time the MSP has channelled his inner Trump, however. In September he shared a post on Twitter insisting the BBC “avoided” showing Scottish history “in case we all vote Yes”. The month before, he decried the BBC’s “unionist slant”. Another blow for the Failing BBC! Sad!
MIND you, he isn’t the only one. Enter Stewart Hosie MP, former deputy leader of the SNP, who is apparently fuming that newspapers can’t actually see into the future. On Monday he posted a picture of that day’s Herald and raged about the “unionist press” blaming the SNP when the UK’s Brexit deal “was scuppered by the DUP” – events that had, of course, happened that afternoon. Sorry Stewart, amid the budget cuts, we’ve had to pawn the crystal ball.
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