Woody Allen said 'life doesn't imitate art; it imitates bad television'. I felt like that when I watched Joey Barton on Question Time.

Worse still, this week I felt cheapened and soiled, rather besmirched by the insinuation that I could be bought so cheaply. As if I were part of a bad game-show like The Price is Right. 'Danny Alexander…come on down! Alex Salmond!!!! Come on down!!!!'…Surely it's not about how much we can get? As bidding wars went on to buy my referendum vote, I felt slightly patronised. How could such an important and emotive concept be price tagged?

The truth is, I could be bought; especially if artists were given some funding. As the archetypical struggling writer who ticks all the boxes, delusional, clichéd, working 12 hour days for nothing, everything is on spec. Writers, painters, photographers, film makers, would happily accept being paid the living wage (£7.45 now) for doing 40 hour weeks even though the hours are closer to 50. I'd be happy with a fiver an hour. The truth is most creative people work long hours and sacrifice fresh air and weekends away to achieve very little. In return I'd happily go to schools and speak and encourage kids to do anything but write.

This week, I thought I'd sold a book about Oasis to a publisher. They were keen, then decided not to go with it. Due to restrictive parameters even top authors are struggling to get their work out. They suggested I try a publisher who crowd source books. I pitched the book and offered to do stuff for those who contribute. For a tenner you get a book download, ranging to all kinds of offers, I wash their cars, wash their windows, they give me cash, I mention them in acknowledgements.

Then it hit me, Scotland should use crowd sourcing to fund the new state. Alex Salmond invites you to lunch for a scone and chat, you contribute a couple of million, oh wait, scrap that thought. The lottery winners…that's already happening.

Scotland 2014 started this week and Sarah Smith was professional but loud. She doesn't mean to be, she has one of those head-mistress voices like a foghorn in a library or bagpipes droning when starting up and played in a confined space. I was amazed on the second evening, one guest was football pundit Michael Stewart - his punditry style is one dimensional, he hates everything. I was impressed with his ease of conversation, he had prepared and researched. He used words like divergent, name dropped Professor Patrick Dunleavy of the LSE; Dr Young, then the 1970s and the McCrone report. You'd have thought he was reading from the autocue.

Getting the tone right for a show like this is difficult. You have to know the slot, understand the viewer. It's had the usual negative onslaught of criticism, mainly because it's new. It's news but they've promised fun, i.e. guests discussing what's trending on Twitter. In TV they say 'it doesn't know what it wants to be.' I think the show would be better off replacing The One Show. We should let it find itself, let it breath and flow. I felt tense watching. I think it will come good.

Annie Lennox caused outrage and much cybernatification this week when for no reason she tweeted a picture of the Union Flag. If it's not Bowie it's happy, laugh-a-minute Annie.

Maybe we're all daft, has she a new album coming out? Do you need loads of free publicity? Why not noise up the cybernats? Might consider it for my rejected Oasis project, it mentions Britpop.

You have to wonder at the Nostradamus-like qualities of former Lib Dem, Lord Oakeshott. What amazing precognition; Nick Clegg is leading the Lib Dems into disaster? (Sarcasm klaxon). Since 2010's coalition the Lib Dems have lost over 1,700 councillors, 11 MEPS and their share of the vote slashed. I'm shocked and I don't even care about them…

The Lib Dems are good for one thing; comedy. Like a classic sitcom, that just keeps giving, like Bilko, Fawlty Towers and Reggie Perrin. If Clegg was in charge of a company you'd fire him. Then you think, maybe there's some genius logic at play? They deliberately keep him there to take the heat off other incompetents like Alexander and Cable

Their incompetence is extraordinary, even their attempts at a coup were more like a Carry On movie. The man who instigated it (Lord Oakeshott, Vince Cable's mate) has 'resigned'. The target (Nick Clegg) is still in power and the man who should've replaced him (Vince Cable) elbowed his pal and stuck by Clegg. All we need is the theme tune to another classic comedy, Soap.