WE'VE had Alex Salmond with Ed Miliband in his top pocket, Alex Salmond the pick-pocket and 50 Alex Salmonds sitting behind the Labour leader on the Commons benches.

Now courtesy of Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, another Tory-inspired Salmondesque image has been conjured up; the ex-FM in Downing Street with his feet on Prime Minister Miliband's desk being served pink champagne by the hapless premier.

The London Mayor was David Cameron's warm-up man at the Conservative leader's latest campaign rally in Colindale, a nondescript town on the outskirts of north London.

It is fair to say when Bozza's firing on all cylinders in his idiosyncratic way, no one is particularly interested in his fellow Old Etonian, who was chuckling away in the audience.

Having quipped about Moses Miliband and his tablet of stone, the straw-helmeted one told a gaggle of young workers at Utility Warehouse, a youthful company that supplies phone, broadband and energy to homes and businesses, that the chiselled words would mean nothing "without the say-so of Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon".

Londoners, he warned, all those infrastructure projects from Crossrail 2 to Tube extensions would never see the light of day "if you had a Labour government with the SNP sitting on their shoulders".

"Will you get infrastructure projects for this country when you have Alex Salmond effectively with his feet up on Miliband's desk in Downing Street holding out a glass for more pink champagne paid for by the English taxpayer? Will you get what you want? I don't think so," growled the blonde Beatle.

The anti-SNP metaphors, which BoJo specialises in, did not end there as he declared that there would be "chaos, stasis, paralysis as Labour and the SNP fight like ferrets in the sack".

Like Chancellor George Osborne before him, Mr Mayor warned that a Labour government elected on Friday would send investors running for the exit as there was a run on sterling.

"Let's dodge that bullet and give that nightmare a miss," intoned the tousle-haired Tory.

He then went into a familiar routine about how London exported cake to France, bicycles to Holland, TV aerials to South Korea and even rice to India but his biggest laugh came when he mentioned Mr Miliband's latest recruit, saying how London had even been able to export Russell Brand to America. Frowning, Bozza added: "He seems mysteriously to have returned."

As for the sideshow, the PM took questions - wait for it - from ordinary people.

One was about getting debt down, which Mr C rambled on about, er, the deficit; which, as we know, are not the same thing.

He was then facetiously asked about what would make a legitimate government; which was a perfectly legitimate question given the Tory chief has been banging on about the perils of a Labour-SNP alliance for quite some time.

But the PM declined to answer, saying that he was not into making predictions - having been making them all the campaign - saying there was still time for people not to predict the future but to "shape the future" by voting Conservative.

Applause rang out when one worker asked about those promised £12bn of welfare cuts should the Tories get in, noting how the voters wanted a straight answer to a straight question and where would they come from.

Nodding his head, the PM declared that "unlike any government in history we have said where a large part of that is coming from". That would be £2bn from freezing in-work benefits for two years but as for the rest? Details came there none.

One of the more interesting questions came from a female worker who pointed out how the PM, Chancellor and London Mayor were all in the same school class and had dismantled the country's assets to "sell them off to their mates".

Bozza's considerable hair stood on end. After Dave insisted that people should not judge them on their backgrounds but on their records - 2m more people in work, deficit halved, growth better than anywhere in the EU - the Mayor brushed forward.

"I must admit I did go to the same school as the party leader; there's no getting away from that. Yes, I went to the same primary school as Ed Miliband," he declared to applause.

But BoJo's face began to redden as he stressed: "I don't think the people of this country care about where you come from, what they care about is what you're doing, what you're saying and how you're going to take it forward. That's the issue for the country." Indeed it is.