Monday – My week begins with the announcement that BT has retained the exclusive rights to show European football in the UK until the summer of 2021 after holding off competition from Sky by securing a deal worth £1.18bn.

Broken down, that is £300m more than it paid for the rights in 2013, and works out at £394m for each of the next three seasons. Viewing figures for European football’s premier competition have dropped in recent years, and, will probably do the same with no free-to-air ‘council’ telly being available.

Sorry, but in amongst the razzamatazz, this deal seems almost Setanta-esque, and a real gamble. Well, it would until Wednesday, when Barcelona play PSG. After that, it looks an absolute bargain …

Tuesday – And, apparently, thousands of Scottish football fans have chosen a tartan to become the official design of the national football team. Members of the Scotland Supporters Club took part in an online vote, selecting a winner from nominations, each creation designed using colours from previous national football team kits.

Of all the things Scottish football needs, and urgently, a new tartan wouldn’t be high on my agenda, if at all. Still, maybe it helps fans feel part of the overall failure, which is nice.

For me, it smacks of the ‘Speed 3’ episode of Father Ted, where, after staying up all night, seeking a plan to rescue Dougal from a milk float which has been boobytrapped with a speed-activated bomb, Ted and his fellow priests decide the best means of rescue is to say another mass.

As I joked on Twitter, I expect this tartan to make its international debut at a major finals tournament around 2066, although some suggested that might be a tad optimistic.

News of this new weave completely overshadowed the latest FIFA World Rankings which showed Wales (yes Wales) at 12, two places ahead of England, with Northern Ireland at 35 and Scotland 67th, one ahead of Benin. And again, yes, Benin.

But the great news is, we have an official tartan, and they don’t. The only way to measure your place in world football …

Wednesday – Hollywood great Tom Hanks has signed a limited-edition Airdrie home shirt to help out with the club’s efforts to raise funds for an autism sensory room. A great cause.

But Hollywood ‘A’ listers showing a liking for the Diamonds is nothing new. Recall Robert Duvall, quarter of a century ago, rocking in to Broomfield when making ‘A Shot At Glory’  and making himself best pals with John McVeigh, Andy Smith, Owen Coyle, Kenny black, John Martin, Davie Kirkwood and the likes. Best pals indeed. Don’t know how many were ever invited to one of ‘oor Boab’s’ cocktail parties, but, it was a yarn many can still dine out on.

And with a script that could have come from the most dramatic blockbuster, Barcelona beat PSG, overturning a 4-0 first-leg deficit with a 6-1 win in the Camp Nou. An amazing result, though I spare a thought for my fellow hacks, and how many re-writes they’d have been faced with on deadline.

I still think the most dramatic European night I’ve witnessed was at Parkhead many moons ago when Celtic beat, but lost, to Partizan Belgrade. Never have I rewritten an intro so many times. Even now, I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night wondering if I’ve got the aggregate score correct …

Thursday – Rangers take a step closer to appointing Pedro Caixinha. Yes, the one who appears on a video celebrating Celtic winning another title while he was in charge of Santos Laguna, an affiliate club of Celtic. As you might.

It is only the latest in a whole bunch of tit-for-tat spats between Old Firm fans as they try to lay claim to one of their rivals own actually being one of their own, if you see what I mean.

Like Rod Stewart, Sir Rod, sorry Sir, being a regular visitor to Paradise, only for his credentials to be challenged by pictures of him in a Rangers kit from the 70’s. Or super skipper Scott Brown, the archetypal Celt, who if you cut in half, would read Celtic all the way through, apart from the wee bit in his heart that is forever Rangers, or so owners of another happy snap would have you believe.

And what about Joey Barton, signed by Rangers, self-declared Hoops man.

Many see it, and treat it, as a bit of fun, one-upmanship, having a dig at one of the opposition for not quite being 100%, dyed in the wool. For others, it’s akin to lighting the blue (or green) touch paper. Stand back, wait for the explosion.

Like a giant game of Whataboutery Top Trumps, played amongst like-minded, demented, obsessed individuals. But as we all know, every Top Trumps pack has one, beat-all card.

For the Old Firm Whataboutery edition, how about Mo Johnston?

Friday -  Sad news about the passing of John Surtees, a lovely gentleman, and the only man to win the F1 world title on both two and four wheel. A remarkable achievement, unlikely to be equalled.

As were the achievements of the late, great Colin McRae, who could easily lay claim to having been a world champ on two and four wheels, and occasionally, three – depending on the severity of his ‘modifications’ …

Saturday – Which I spend in the company of Grand Slam, Triple Crown and Calcutta Cup winners Iain ‘The Bear’ Milne and Herald columnist Gary Armstrong, they of the 1984 and 1990 vintages respectively. We watch the action from Twickenham, mostly through our fingers. It is not enjoyable viewing as the Scots are systematically picked apart by a ruthless England side.

‘The Bear’ regularly checks his watch against the TV clock, which midway through the second half, he reckons has stopped. Gary meanwhile, has taken exception to scrum-halves who don’t wear aluminium studs. “What was ever wrong with a good shoeing?; that gets their hands off the ball.”

My overview was much simpler than their expert analysis. The pivotal, game-changing moment came with yellow card for hooker Fraser Brown, with just 78 minutes to go ...

Sunday – Old Firm day; you know, that match known by the phraseology some bend over backwards not to use, preferring to use such terminology such as ‘the Glasgow derby.’

Next time you hear that, ask which Glasgow derby they refer to. Hours of endless fun … as Moussa Dembele found out on Sunday afternoon.