I’m almost at the end of the road, in more ways than one.
All in all it’s an uncertain time. Ever since my injury back in February, I’ve longed to be back out there with the boys kicking a ball. I’ve dreamt of it, I’ve focused on it so much. Now it’s so close there’s obviously a nervousness about what it will be like playing competitive football again, but with that comes the uncertainty of who it will be for.
I had a meeting with the manager last week who told me that there wouldn’t be anything available for me at St Mirren in terms of a playing-contract. He’s got budgets to stick to so I’ve spoken to him with the hope that I can find something.
It must be said that he and the club have been brilliant with me throughout. He’s said for me to keep coming in to do my rehab and he’ll help me out as much as I can until I sign up for somewhere else.
I’d been doing scouting work for the club which I really enjoyed, and he said I can do that still while I’m here. But with my rehab within finishing distance I really want to concentrate on that.
I’m targeting being fit enough to get a club in January. It’s all ifs, buts, and maybes I know, but if my rehab goes well it’s an ideal time for me.
There’s always clubs looking for players around the start of the new year and I think I’ve got something to offer. I’ll keep plodding on.
I have a good relationship with the gaffer and that’s why I spoke to him. We’ve been upfront with each other, and the club are continuing to keep me involved and that helps a lot.
There always has been a good team spirit here, that’s played a massive part in my rehab I think. In the early months it was always difficult when you were either in the gym or worse not able to do anything. It’s hard not to feel detached from it.
But recently I’ve been able to get out running on the training pitch and strike a ball which is a good feeling. Pinging a shot feels quite natural where doing it in the early days was a bit nervy. Even running was a bit tentative, you do worry how your body is going to react. It all becomes natural to you.
You are always thinking ‘is this going to be sore?’, ‘Can I do this?’ but I do feel as if I’m beyond that now. I’m hoping I’m in the latter stages of my rehab and looking at the football side of things. All the strength tests for my knee suggests I’m getting ready to come back to training. It’s about slowly building it up over the next few weeks.
The team are training beside me so I can see them, and that definitely acts as a motivation. Even though it won’t be St Mirren I’ll be playing with, being back involved with a team is literally and metaphorically within touching distance.
It gives you that little bit of edge on a day where you feel as if everything is a mile away. It gives you an aim.
The group have kept me going and, as I said, I’ve always felt involved throughout this whole ordeal.
We’ve had our team Christmas trip so we had a few days in Belfast. That was fun!
Nowadays you hear managers not wanting you to do that kind of stuff but the gaffer here is brand new. For me it’s always been part of my career. When you retire and come to the end of your career these are the wee things you remember and the moments you often look back on with a smile.
Sometimes moments like that helps your team building and the relationships within the dressing room, no matter if you are doing well or not. Having said that, we didn’t have one last year when we were struggling. We weren’t told not to but the boys all sort of made a decision that it wouldn’t be right to go out celebrating anything when we were struggling so much, so decided to do it at the end of the term when we knew we were safe. We did that as a club and all of us, including the directors and staff went out for a meal.
It was a good few days and I really enjoyed it. I think the boys have more than deserved it this year, they’ve worked so hard to get into a great position. Everyone behaved themselves, but it was good to be in amongst it all.
Everyone has worked so hard to get the club back to where they should be and in a way it’s disappointing I’ll not play a part in that on the field. It’s a great club with great people who have earned the right to be where they are. Now it’s time for me to focus on getting myself fit and earning my place at a new club.
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