It’s been a week of cheerios and ta-tas at the Open. Tom Watson’s St Andrews swansong wasn’t quite the all-singing, all-dancing affair that we would’ve hoped for given that he finished his second round about the same time as the Sky at Night was coming on the tele. Due to this reduced level of fanfare in the gloamin’, the diarist has suggested to the Royal & Ancient top brass that there should be a ‘Swilcan Bridge Exemption’ for old timers and cherished past champions. A small, yet highly technological sensor should be subtly placed in the pointing of said Brig’ to monitor levels of applause, acclaim and robustness of hand waving as the man of the moment takes his final waddle over it. The results are then filtered through the Dewy-eyed Nostalgia-ometer back at the R&A’s subterranean laboratory before they decide if the send off has reached the required levels of schmaltzy pizzazz. We may see auld Tom back in the Open yet.

Meteorological musings part 626: The daily weather updates have been feverishly pored over these last few days but Monday’s bulletin from the Met Office was particularly depressing. The section saying ‘Outlook for the rest of the championship’ began with the word ‘Tuesday’. Will this tournament never end?

There were heated scenes in the St Salvator’s halls of residence where the diarist and his cronies have been holed up for so long now we might end up having to pay the residence fee for the first semester of the academic year. In the grand common room, where a television the size of the 18th green grandstand, is regally plonked, the battle for ownership of the remote control reached a tense stand-off. “Would anyone mind if I put the news on?,” asked one softly spoken gentleman. “Yes," barked one dozing denizen. "A programme on the Chopin Etudes is coming on and I’ve been waiting for this all night." It was at this point that the diarist decided not to ask about the chances of flicking it on to ‘Snog, Marry, Avoid?’.

The diarist peered on with envy as Ashley Chesters, the English amateur who enjoyed an impressive Open week, told the scribblers about his current mode of transport. “I do have a car, and it’s a Porsche 308,” he reported. It’s amazing what you can get with the prize vouchers these days.