You hesitate to intrude on matters of a personal nature, but when three 50-plus blokes all head for the bathroom in quick succession, then it's possibly time to get things checked out downstairs.
The sight of Nick Faldo, Tom Watson and Fred Couples all visiting the players' toilet by Muirfield's 14th tee provided a diversion on a day when none managed to wow the crowds with their scoring, but their collective comfort break did nothing to speed matters along when their trip round the course took four hours and 55 minutes – almost exactly half an hour longer than the pace of play the R&A want to see.
Still, with a combined age of 172 years, maybe it's unfair to expect them to burn the place up. And, when they can boast a combined haul of 15 major titles, you have to acknowledge that they might just know what they're doing.
Faldo turned 56 yesterday. He shares his birthday with Nelson Mandela. And when Faldo was in his pomp, there never seemed little doubt in his mind about which of them had made the greater contribution to humanity. These days, his conversational mode relies heavily on self-deprecation, a change that may have required more work behind the scenes than he put into remodelling his swing under the eye of David Leadbetter. Television work has also revealed a far warmer side to him than he ever showed when he was on his obsessive quest for major titles, but one scene by the 16th green yesterday suggested that not everyone is convinced by the change in his public persona.
Faldo led the group to the putting surface at the par-3 hole. A ripple of warm applause went through the gallery, a reception he acknowledged by touching the brim of his cap. "Naw, Nick," came a voice from behind ropes in a strong Scottish accent. "It's no' for you, it's for Tom."
Harsh. But if anything of the old Faldo remains he was probably not bothered one bit. Even on a day he had claimed would be one for a walk and a bit of enjoyment, there were moments that made it clear some of the old competitive fires still burn.
As he walked down the 18th fairway, towards a ball that had come to rest in a cross bunker 50 yards short of the green, Faldo knew he had to get up and down to avoid an 80. These things obviously matter, so much so that he pulled off the shot of his round, to within three feet of the hole. After which, the putt for a 79 was a formality. "That was a hell of a bunker shot, wasn't it?" he beamed. "Did you see that Tom even acknowledged that one? 'A bit of class', he called it. That made my day, that 9-iron."
It wasn't the shot of the day, though. That had been made by Couples at the previous hole, a sublime 4-iron that stopped three inches from the cup and gave him the easiest tap-in eagle of his life. "Good shot," someone said later. "My only shot," Couples replied.
Watson, who lit up Turnberry with his so-nearly charge in 2009, then sent the galleries into rapture with his ace at Royal St George's two years ago, had a curiously humdrum sort of round. Given his exploits at other tournaments, it would be rash to say the years have finally caught up with the great man, but it must be hard to look at a draw sheet and realise you have more miles on the clock than an entire three-ball. That was the 63-year-old Watson's lot in a field where 18-year-old Matthew Fitzpatrick was grouped with 19-year-old Jordan Spieth and 24-year-old Russell Henley.
Faldo, meanwhile, was certainly a lot more loquacious than in the days when players considered themselves fortunate if their interaction with him went beyond the formal handshakes on the first tee and the final green but at no time would you have suspected the trio were arranging to go out for a few beers in North Berwick after the round. Faldo seeming much keener on soothing the troubled waters that have appeared between him and Rory McIlroy this week.
Faldo, asked about McIlroy's form slump, had said that the younger man should concentrate more on golf. McIlroy had said that Faldo should mind his own business. It is the kind of thing that golf's chatterati just love, but Faldo was clearly determined to take the fire out of the affair. "I like the kid," he said. "He's a friend. I can speak from experience and all I'm trying to say is that I've been there, seen it and know what can happen."
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