HALLOWE'EN eh?
My days of dressing up as a pantomime dame, complete with fishnet stockings, and freaking out my colleagues are gone. I can simply give them the heebie jeebies on a regular basis with the intros to the Tuesday column. And even those are still written with the fishnet stockings on. The tortured rictus of the picture byline doesn't reveal the full horror. Of course, last Friday's fright night and the anticipated dread of a series of ghoulish guisers hammering on the front door demanding stuff was on a par with waiting for a visit from the bailiffs.
Such has been the mind boggling growth of the trick or treat industry, it seems the spoiled, money no object young 'uns these days are not happy unless they are dookin' for Faberge eggs. Forget a handful of monkey nuts. The Little Lord Fauntleroys are only content with an exotic poke - purchased for 5 pence, obviously - containing an actual shrieking, oxster-scratching monkey. It's an expensive old business. Rather like watching golf.
Last week, the top brass at the Royal & Ancient announced another increase in ticket prices for next year's Open Championship at St Andrews. Without any of the myriad advanced discounts that are currently on offer, a 'walk-up' brief on any of the championship days will now cost you £80, up a tenner from the last time the world's oldest major was last held in the Auld Grey Toon in 2010. Like every sport, it has been a trend that has been slowly inching upwards over the years.
Back in 2002 at Muirfield, for instance, a pay-at-the-gate ticket was £35. Fast forward to Muirfield again in 2013 and it was £75. And that was a £15 surge on a similar ticket for the Sandwich showpiece two years earlier. Despite the kind of glorious, sun-soaked conditions usually reserved for shimmering photographs in a brochure for a Sandals resort, the attendance at the Muirfield event in 2013 was, disappointingly, 20,000 down on the 2002 figures. Were golf's loyal footsoldiers finally voting with their, well, feet? It looked that way.
Let's face it, major events in these all-singing, all-dancing times are never going to be bought with loose change. And the grumbles and gripes can be heard across the sporting board. Only recently, the 'Tartan Army' - that merry band of jolly globetrotters who seem to have a war chest of millions stashed in their sporrans for booze - were up in arms at the £65 ticket price for Scotland's friendly with England. And the fitba' in general at a domestic level tends to be hair-raisingly pricey for some of the swill that's served up.
At least with the Open, you are dealing with the absolute best. It is world-class performers on the biggest stage. Then again, what do you get for your money? At the football, at Wimbledon, at rugby, at Lord's, at wherever, you get a seat and the action happens in front of your bulging, mesmerised eyes.
You won't really miss a trick. Golf, by its very nature, is a completely different kettle of water-dwelling creatures that evolves over a vast acreage and over hour upon hour.
You're oot and aboot, in all kinds of conditions, but there is certainly no guarantee of a prime viewing position. And even if you do get a decent perch, you have to crane and squint past the increasingly shameful, and shameless, gatherings inside the ropes; an expanding posse that seems to possess more hangers-on than a rock pool of barnacles.
Throw in the sundry items of a bite to eat, one or two morale-boosting drinks, perhaps a few odds and sods from the merchandising tent and a couple having a day out could easily be parting with something in the region of £300.
Interestingly, a fellow golf writer was sent a brief message from a spectator recently saying that he had been surveyed at last year's Open at Hoylake and asked if he would be happy to pay more for a better experience. Read between the lines and that could, essentially, mean fewer people perhaps?
The R&A have never put a restriction on numbers; it is the open doors Open, after all. With the return, however, to the venue rota of Royal Portrush, where room for manoeuvre is limited, maybe the high command are building towards a less is more policy?
In 2015, meanwhile, this cherished championship will be back at the home of golf. The golfing public, by and large, are a devoted, knowledgeable and hardy bunch. They will make the pilgrimage in their thousands to the cradle of the game in St Andrews. With another hike in the ticket price, though, the R&A need to be careful that they don't take this devotion for granted.
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