The other week, I bought a bag of Charlotte potatoes and emblazoned on the packaging was the command: "At home keep ME in the fridge". Concerned that I was being told to obey orders from a poke of bloomin' tatties, I ventured outside to compose myself with a breath of fresh air only to be confronted by a bus which declared, "I'm not in service" as it trundled by nonchalantly. The egocentric sod. Before you know it, we mere mortals will be pandering to the idle whims of a packet of custard creams.
It's all about 'Me' it seems and in these desperate times of rampant self-promotion, it's always reassuring when the quiet achievers rise up amid the din. She'll probably cringe at the title but, in Catriona Matthew, Scottish golf really does possess a national treasure.
From the moment she established a three-stroke advantage during the second round of the Ladies Scottish Open on Saturday, there was never any doubting who would cart off the bounty. This was professional victory No.11 and, surely, there will be more to come.
On the same weekend that Sophie Gustafson, the decorated Swede, multiple tour champion and veteran of eight Solheim Cup campaigns, announced her retirement from the LPGA circuit at the age of 39, the 44-year-old Matthew shows no sign of easing up.
With Carly Booth and Pamela Pretswell sharing fourth place at Archerfield, and Heather MacRae clambering her way back up into a tie for sixth, the Scottish event provided plenty of home comforts. The label 'the next Catriona Matthew' is one that will weigh heavily on the new generation trying to follow in her sizeable footsteps. Rather like being asked to fashion a full-scale replica of the Colossus of Rhodes out of thimbles, it is a daunting task for the young 'uns. Then again, those coming up through the ranks can feel hugely fortunate that they have a figure like Matthew to aspire to, even if the bar has been set to a level that, at times, must feel like it's in a different stratosphere.
Dedicated, driven and determined; these are the qualities of true champions and inspiring figures. Combine these traits with an unwavering temperament and a quiet dignity and you have the complete golfing package. It's been said countless times before, but the appreciation of Matthew's achievements has never quite reached the levels it should have done, particularly in an era of bluster when we tend to champion mediocrity and minor conquests.
Not that she'll be looking for plaudits, of course. The former Women's British Open champion's competitive longevity speaks volumes for her focus and strong work ethic. In this results-driven business, Matthew simply lets her clubs do the talking.
"She is the only person, male or female, who has come to me and said 'how can I be the best in the world?'," said her coach, Kevin Craggs, yesterday. "Annika Sorenstam said to me in Ireland recently that Catriona's on the back nine of her career and, for me, she's only on the 11th [hole]. She seems to get stronger and stronger every year - physically, mentally, tactically. That's her desire, her work ethic, her focus and determination and the will to be the best."
Next week in France, the final major of the women's season, the Evian Championship, swings into action and Matthew, once again, will be expected to be at the sharp end of affairs. She remains our best hope, male or female, of delivering another major title and no Scottish golfer has come close to replicating her consistency in the big events over the last decade or so.
This season alone, Matthew has finished seventh in the Kraft Nabisco Championship, second in the LPGA Championship, 15th in the US Women's Open and 11th in the Women's British Open. It's been her best sequence of major results since she had a second, a 10th and a seventh during 2007. From notching that very first top-10 in a major, a seventh in the 1999 Kraft Nabisco Championship, Matthew has racked up a victory and 14 other top-10 finishes in the years that have followed.
"There aren't many Catriona Matthews," added Craggs. "I read somewhere that she should be going down as a legend. Perhaps I am biased but, for me, she is one of golf's legends. The book's still open and she's still writing as we speak."
With another tour title safely stashed away, there are clearly a few more chapters to be penned yet.
AND ANOTHER THING
The Americans have already been thwarted by Team Europe in the Solheim Cup. This week, Great Britain & Ireland's amateur side - with, lamentably, no Scottish representation - will attempt to keep the Walker Cup on this side of the Atlantic.
The US selectors have come under fire for insisting that two spots in the 10-man team be taken up by mid-amateurs, those aged 25 or over with no professional aspirations. At 45 years old, Todd White, a high school history teacher, will achieve a lifetime ambition even though critics have roared that the Walker Cup should be about showcasing the best and brightest stars of tomorrow.
In an amateur game of increased professionalism and blurred boundaries, however, is there anything wrong with rewarding the traditional career amateur and celebrating the old ideals?