Ten years have passed since I inaugurated the tradition of naming rugby awards after Scotland coaches.

Since then, we have had the Matties, the Frankies, the Robbos and the Johnnos. So now, for the first (and, some are starting to suspect, the last) time we have the Verns. The best, the worst and the outright silliest of the 2015 Six Nations.

The Phil Windsor Vern for Unsubtle Diplomatic Efforts goes to the BBC (motto: nation shall speak unto nation) for the pre-tournament trailer that showed the flags of all the competing nations. Or, rather, the flags most of the competing nations. In the midst of this tableau of fluttering saltires, St George's Crosses and suchlike, aunty somehow managed to insert the flag of Bulgaria, having confused their white-green-red arrangement of vertical stripes with Italy's horizontal green-white-red. Easily done, but not so easily forgiven. The Italians were outraged. The Bulgarians were just surprised.

It is only right that a Scottish coaching legend should pick up an award, so the Nostradamus Vern for Perspicacity and Foresight goes to Matt Williams, a man whose personal grooming regime showed more rigour and organisation than any of the Scotland teams he put out in his two years in charge of the national side. Writing in the Irish Times on the morning of the Scotland-Ireland clash at Murrayfield, Williams said that "the attacking systems in the Irish team do not function" and that it would "not be easy to amass a huge differential in Edinburgh". And he still wonders why Scotland ditched him.

The Kerrygold Vern for Misplaced Margarine Allusions goes to former Ireland lock Neil Francis, who described Wales coach Warren Gatland as having "the intellectual capacity of a tub of Flora". Gatland laughed it off, but rumours persist that the makers of Flora might sue. Gatland got his revenge when his side beat Ireland 23-16, thereby denying them a Grand Slam. All in all, Francis's barb was still not as pointed as that of another Irish journalist who once described Gatland as being "as snappy and rational as a menopausal warthog".

Under normal circumstances, we would hand the Vern for Most Ridiculous Body to the tournament's referees appoints committee or some other group of worthy blazers. On this occasion, however, we prefer to give it to the improbably porky figure of Uini Atonio, the French prop who tips - or rather crushes - the bathroom scales at just a nudge under 25st.

The Lord Lucan Vern for Most Mysterious Disappearing Trick is taken by Sam Burgess, the former rugby league superstar who was meant to be setting England's heather alight by the end of the Six Nations before leading the Sons of St George to World Cup glory later this year. Burgess had one outing for the England Saxons against Ireland A, but was all but anonymous. Even Mike Ford, his coach at Bath, seemed to question the wisdom of the code switch. "It frustrates him a bit," said Ford of Burgess's introduction to rugby union. "The scrums frustrate him, the time the ball is out of play. He's standing around getting cold. He has to deal with all these things."

Unfortunately, the CR Smith Vern for Most Lucrative Contribution to the Glazing Industry must be held back this year. Obviously, it would have been taken by the member of the Scotland backroom team who kicked a spectacularly large hole in the glass door of the Murrayfield coaching booth when Italy snatched their late win there a few weeks ago, but as the guilty fellow has not owned up the judges have decided that no trophy can be awarded. Shame.

The Brian 'Pitbull' Moore Vern for Snarling Mutts goes to the anonymous pooch which decided that Italy prop Martin Castrogiovanni's nose looked tastier than anything in his dog bowl that day. Castrogiovanni required 14 stitches in his lacerated hooter and missed Italy's matches against Scotland and France. The dog is still under observation.

The Vern for Most Mealy-Mouthed Mumbo-Jumbo by Rugby Officials has two winners. It will be shared by the Welsh Rugby Union, who get one hand on the trophy for their risible and preposterous defence of their mishandling of George North's concussion against England, and World Rugby, for a garbled statement that basically admitted that referee Glen Jackson had erred in ending Scotland's clash with Wales too early - but that they backed him all the way.

The judges are also split on the Healthy Perspective Vern, which is awarded to those who remind us that chasing a pig's bladder around a field is not the most serious of human endeavours after all. One winner is George Cawkwell, Scotland's oldest surviving international at the age of 95, and a towering figure in classical studies who has just celebrated his 65th year as a fellow of University College Oxford. The other is Ireland coach Joe Schmidt, who accepted the Six Nations trophy and then revealed that the next few weeks of his life will be spent supporting his 11-year-old son Luke as they seek treatment for his epilepsy.

The William Hague Vern for Toe-Curling Precociousness goes to Harry Westlake, the six-year-old mascot whose passionate rendition of God Save the Queen had the whole of England - well, Daily Mail readers at least - gushing with patriotic fervour. The fact the rest of us felt faintly queasy should not be held against the lad.

There are many contenders for the Scotsmen Coming Up Short Vern, but we shall spare the blushes of the current team and instead give the not-so-coveted gong to Thom Evans, who retired due to a neck injury five seasons ago. Evans, who is now pursuing an acting career, revealed that he had auditioned for the lead part in Fifty Shades of Grey, but had been pipped to the role by Jamie Dornan. The former winger accepted defeat graciously. Those who have seen the film suggest his overriding sentiment should be relief.