THE boy does not need mind-bending drugs to fall into a state of trance.
And that, in Paisley, makes him fairly unusual.
Instead all it takes is a piece of paper, a few outlined shapes and a box of crayons and he can drift off into a happy place where almost nothing can disturb him as he colours in with the sort of focus and dedication not seen since Michaelangelo chose to go back over the cornice of the Sistine Chapel with a second coat. It is in stark contrast to his normal state of hyperactivity that causes any extended period of him standing still to be viewed with the highest levels of suspicion.
The boy can colour in just about anywhere. And so it was at a Christmas market in a suburb of Dublin last weekend that he somehow found himself standing in front of a stall ran by a local bank, crayon in hand, tongue poking out the corner of his mouth, patiently colouring in some sort of festive scene. To the chagrin of the now-beardless Santa figure manning the stand, this is not a task that can ever be rushed, as the boy dutifully coloured away without a care in the world as the chap in question looked longingly over the road at the warm and inviting pub and wondered just what it would take to make this six year-old with the seemingly endless levels of patience get a wriggle on.
Indulging him in a spot of chat seemed the best way forward. 'So, is that a Glasgow accent I hear'? he ventured, a quite remarkable piece of observation given the boy had barely uttered a word from the moment he spotted the opportunity to indulge in his favourite pastime. A nod in reply.
'So are you Celtic or Rangers'? asked this rather gregarious Dubliner, warming to the challenge. Without looking up or stopping carefully colouring in the cloaks of the three wise men, the boy replied, 'No, St Mirren'.
This slightly dishevelled Santa was warming to his task. 'Ah, who plays for them, then? I bet their own manager doesn't even know who plays for them,' he playfully chided the boy, again demonstrating impressive accuracy for a foreigner with presumably little interest in the Scottish football scene. The boy, having used up his quota of football chat for the day, simply shrugged, before putting the finishing touches to his masterpiece. His reward for his dedication was to keep the beard ' although that did result in some awkward questions later about the omniscience of Santa and his facial hair habits ' as the man from the bank hastily packed up the stall and shot across the road, lest the boy suddenly decide he wanted another shot.
That the boy had chosen to correct a stranger about the team he purports to support caused a sense of pride to flow through me, almost immediately followed by a sense of guilt. What had he done wrong to deserve having this affliction foisted upon him?
But his loyalty was impressive regardless. He has little interest in watching football, could not name a single fact about 'his' team, but still knew to give that answer, as a result of some fairly persistent brainwashing by his dad. Whether this was an example of terrific or terrible parenting was unclear, but it at least showed he had been paying attention over the years.
Such integrity in football is on the wane, however. The imminent re-opening of the transfer window will demonstrate that loyalty to one club only stretches so far. The closer it gets to January then the more we'll hear about players who 'are happy here for now but you never know what might happen in future' or who have been made offers they couldn't refuse.
The only ones not allowed to change their minds, of course, are the long-suffering supporters. Forced into choosing a team before they can tie their own shoelaces, it is one of life's cruellest rules that you are then stuck with them for life. You can change your school, ditch your mates, dye your hair, alter your gender, switch jobs, get married or divorced but, heaven forbid, you decide you've had enough of one team and quite fancy lending your backing to another.
A transfer window for fans could be a solution. Sign a two-year deal agreeing to back one team at the outset and then from the January before it runs out you can peruse other clubs that might take your fancy, before choosing that summer whether to stick with your existing team or move to another. It seems only fair. Hopefully the boy will continue to sign up for St Mirren. Using his crayon, of course.
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