Well, here we are in Gullane ...
or is it Gillane? Pronunciation is a funny old thing. When you're sitting in the local, for instance, discussing a delightful Shearings bus trip around the pleasant market town of Shrewsbury, do you say 'Shroosbury' or 'Shrowsbury'? Perhaps you ask for a 'tile' as opposed to a 'towel' when you need to dry your neck and oxters? And maybe you've caused a considerable amount of eyebrow raising awkwardness in the douce suburbs when you're over heard uttering 'sex' instead of 'sacks' to the local coalman.
Gullane or Gillane? Whatever way you say it, the East Lothian venue is the talk of the town as the Scottish Open bandwagon parks itself up for the week. Next year, it will be head back up the road to Castle Stuart near Inverness as the domestic showpiece continues its birl around the country. But then where?
The bold, brash Donald Trump recently roared that his links at Balmedie on the outskirts of Aberdeen will be staging the Scottish Open in 2017, 2019 and 2020. "The Scottish Open wants to be here forever, they think this is the best course they've ever seen," he whispered modestly.
The officials at the European Tour have yet to confirm that particular arrangement and given the recent controversial spoutings about Mexican migrants from Trump during his US Presidential push, they'll probably now be remaining as tight-lipped as a Trappist monk sooking juice through a straw.
"When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best," suggested Trump. "They're sending people that have lots of problems. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people."
The inevitable outcry didn't take long to materialise and, before you could say 'gone down like a sack of spanners', everybody, from Macy's department store and NBC to shoogling singer Ricky Martin, were severing their ties with The Donald.
The high heid yins in golf, meanwhile, will be fidgeting rather uncomfortably. Trump's relationship with the game is complex and his tentacles are well entangled in its workings on the global stage.
He has become a major power broker in golf. The WGC Cadillac Championship, one of the most lucrative events on the calendar, is staged at his Doral resort in Florida while the PGA of America announced last year that the 2022 PGA Championship, golf's so-called 'fifth major', would be heading to the Trump National Golf Club in New Jersey in 2022. The 2017 Senior PGA Championship is also pencilled in for a Trump venue. Given that the PGA of America assumed the moral high ground last year when the top brass of the organisation sacked the president, Ted Bishop, for calling Ian Poulter a 'li'l girl' on social media, we would have been right to assume, by that fairly hysterical measure, that they would immediately take another virtuous stance with Trump over his Mexican comments that were far more incendiary and insulting. It's not that simple, of course. Trump has connections and agreements with just about every governing body in the game. The US Women's Open is going to one of his courses next year and the Women's British Open is heading for Turnberry this month. Having added the Ayrshire links to his portfolio, Trump is now in cahoots with the Royal & Ancient, although they have yet to confirm when they will take the Open Championship back there. Having spent years fighting the 'men-only' issue on the Open rota, the last thing the R&A will want is to become embroiled in Trump-fuelled trials and tribulations.
Of course, the various bodies were united in the kind of one-statement fits all response which talked of all inclusive and welcoming environments. Critics of the game will be quick to pounce. Golf, historically, has battled with issues of sexism, elitism and racism. Should one of the big organisations in this global game step forward from the bland, cowering behind the couch PR exercises, take a firm stand and tell Trump to sling his hook?
Trump is desperate for one of his courses to host a major championship. If that opportunity was blown out of the water by the powers-that-be, then maybe the bluster and the bawling would ease. Admittedly, it's like putting a draft excluder up against a hurricane but, in these loud, instantaneous times, actions speak louder than words.
Usually during Scottish Open week, the main players from the tour, the headline sponsors, Aberdeen Asset Management, and the Scottish Government make an announcement on future venues for the event. The rumours about the championship going to Trump's course in the north east for three out of four years remain just that, but such a move appears inevitable.
Given the stooshie that Trump has generated with his comments, though, it would be safe to say that there will be no announcement here over the next few days. Those involved with the Scottish Open have been plunged into an extremely difficult, sensitive and potentially damaging situation. A star spangled spanner has been flung into the works by this highly audible American and golf as a whole now has some big questions to ask of one of its major playing partners.
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