FOR those World Cup-bound Air New Zealand passengers who had also followed the 2001 British & Irish Lions tour, it was bad enough.

Spare a thought, though, for the thousands of Kiwi travellers who associate Graham Henry’s generalship with their country’s worst World Cup performance, when the normally formal video safety briefing begins.

The nasal tones were already uncomfortably familiar before the pilot-hatted speaker, sitting in the cockpit with back to us, turned to camera to reveal himself as none other than the current All Black coach.

In fairness, it felt as if we were in rather safer hands when his co-pilot turned out to be Richie McCaw, a genuine captain of the highest calibre, but whether this rather frivolous approach would have got past British ’elf ’n’ safety censors was another matter.

It feels as if Henry, generally viewed as a figure whose supercilious manner is justified by his overall winning record as an international coach, if not by his sides’ performances on the very biggest stages, is trying to change his image.

How else to explain the strangely theatrical, almost villainous, eyebrow wobble which followed his explanation that: “If you feel you need to smoke on this flight at any stage, consider yourself dropped.”

Where to, we wonder?

Another odd moment was the choice of Mils Muliaina to demonstrate their “crouch, pause, engage” interpretation of the brace position to be used in extreme emergencies. How would a full-back know anything about such techniques?

However, the highlight was surely when a stewardess brushed past McCaw, realised who it was, and slumped into a seat all of a flutter, allowing her to then show us how to use the oxygen supply which will drop down “if necessary”.

In fairness, it was job done. Even the most travel-weary souls for once adhered to the request to offer our full attention.

 

Plus ca change . . .

SOME things never change. Alongside the stairs in my hotel is a framed account of an incident that occurred almost a century ago as carried in a local newspaper, the Evening Post.

Under the headline “Otago Union holds an enquiry” the report, dated August 13, 1912, reads: “The Otago Rugby Union held an enquiry tonight into the complaint by Mr Buchan of the Railway Hotel, Invercargill, against members of the Otago team that met Southland on 7th August.

“Mr Buchan alleged that some members of the team disarranged beds in certain rooms and soaked the bedding and mattresses with water and, as compensation, he claimed £5 from the Otago Union.

“Thirteen members of the team were present. Evidence was given by them and a statement made by the manager of the team [Mr Nelson]. These statements were in the direction of showing the mischief had not been done by any members of the team.

“The enquiry was adjourned for a week to hear evidence of Childs and Ongley, two players who were not present tonight.”

We will, of course, never know, but one rather suspects we know which two players were occupying “certain rooms” that night.

Taking into account the shenanigans when Scotland last attended a World Cup in the antipodes, and the apparent cover-up of some of the less savoury aspects of that episode, it may also explain why they are not being housed in this douce little establishment -- now known as the Victorian Railway Hotel -- but in the nearby Kelvin Hotel.