The Apprentice
BBC1/iPlayer
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The Apprentice has had a tough time of it lately, with recent series prompting calls for the reality game show to be put out to pasture. So what does the BBC do in this, the show’s 20th year?
It embarks on a reboot involving relocation to Hong Kong at gawd-knows-what-cost. Will it be a triumph or a disaster? Er, have you seen the show?
Lord Sugar did at least start on an optimistic footing. “Just because we've been doing this for a while,” he said, “doesn't mean you know what is coming next. Let me tell you, you don't.”
Nor did the production company, it turns out. One of the contestants has had to apologise for offensive comments on social media. Now it’s too late to snip him out of the series, like Greg Wallace on MasterChef, they’re stuck with him for however long he lasts.
Introduced as “Britain's entrepreneurial elite”, 18 contestants completed the ritual walk across a bridge with a wheeled suitcase without falling over. Also familiar were the compliments they paid themselves. “ My first car was a Tesla. I've recently upgraded to a Porsche,” said one. “I'm going to sprinkle my magic all over the boardroom,” said another. I had a cat that used to do that.
Lord Sugar set the scene with “a little bit of politics”, as Ben Elton used to say. “A lot has changed in the past 20 years, there's been financial crashes, pandemics, not to mention Liz Truss.”
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Then came the first of several surprises: an additional two would be joining the gang. So now there are 20 of them to tie in with the 20th anniversary. Geddit?
The next surprise was better - a trip to Hong Kong - but the task was tiresomely familiar: find and buy a list of items. So instead of running around London making eejits of themselves, the contestants did their headless chickens act in Hong Kong.
The women, or “girls”, as they are constantly referred to, were hopeless, proving every jibe about female map-reading skills depressingly correct. At one point they even lost their driver.
After a conclusion to the task that was pure Race Across the World, half of the women’s team came in two hours late.
The next day, all 20 of them walked into the boardroom in Hong Kong. It was the same in many respects as the one in London, except it had a spectacular view. Always better to get fired in a room with a view.
Both teams had failed miserably at the task, and Lord Sugar wasn't pleased. “A total disgrace,” he barked, looking like an angry terrier who has lost ten gravy bones and found five. Ah well, his sunny mood was nice while it lasted.
Sackings were required, and I'm afraid to say we lost Georgina, the fairy-dust- sprinkler lady whose business idea was to use Lord Sugar’s £250K to start a touring pantomime. Pity: I'd have paid good money to see that. Oh yes I would.
If you're wondering about Scottish contestants, there is Roxanne from Aberdeen, a pharmacist who has founded her own beauty brand dealing in brows. She might want to start with Lord Sugar. Those brows are going to be doing a lot of furrowing over the next 11 weeks.
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