The Diary

Herald Diary

Spotted by reader Chris Robertson in the States, where it seems the McDonald’s don’t only specialise in beef and chicken…

Ready for a flyte of fancy
The Diary eagerly anticipates the Being Human festival in November, especially the Fun with Flyting workshop at Glasgow Uni, where participants learn the ancient and venerable Scots tradition of "flyting", ie hurling highly creative insults at all and sundry.

Douglas Barr spotted this street sign indicating “no entrance’ in Figueres, Catalonia. Who knew the Catalans spoke such guid Scots?

Herald Diary When pleasure is a three-letter word

Joe LaCava gives the diarist what for

The Eagle Diary: Arrivederci to Roma and the Ryder Cup

Not Better Together: Lisa Cameron and Grant Costello

Unspun: The Herald political diary

Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz did quite well, considering… see “Housing crash”

Herald Diary The pop group you can only takes so much of...

European fans hear about the media shuttle bus

The Eagle Diary: Mutiny on the buses in Ryder Cup caper

Ron Cowley spotted this sign in Porto and says: “A valid statement in most places, though perhaps not Glasgow.”

Herald Diary Murder most foul in the classroom

Marco Simone golf course

The Eagle Diary: Sights and sounds of a Roma Ryder Cup

David Gray from Bearsden spotted this sign on the back of a laundry van in his area, which presumably discourages fiendish robbers hoping to execute a (less than) clean get away.

Herald Diary The woman who nearly caused a terminal decline

Nigel Brown, who spotted this sign, concludes it’s probably best to stand still and never move again, rather than make a rash error of judgment.

Herald Diary Love ya, Illya. The words? Not so much

2

Fraser Hamilton concedes that the media has evolved radically in recent years. Even so, he was surprised to spot what is being sold in a French newsagent

The Herald Diary: We're poles apart

Andy Burns, who spotted this sign, concludes that sometimes a namby-pamby finger licking just isn’t enough…

Herald Diary Did the teenage hippy know the drill?

Suffering for the cause: Stephen Flynn

Unspun: the Herald political diary

11

Margaret Thatcher

Herald Diary Should we name public holidays after politicians?

Bruce Johnson, who spotted this savage sarnie, says what outrages him the most is that it doesn’t seem to regret its unlawful activities. It relishes them, in fact.

Herald Diary Can you use a Scottish free travel bus pass in New York?

Chris Robertson, who spotted this yummy delicacy, claims it’s a real bargain, for you don’t get charged extra for all the grit and dust.

Herald Diary The Scot who ran a private zoo in South America

Oliver Green, who spotted this display, wonders why the usually very precise Ernest Hemingway never mentioned the distinct lack of cranium.

Herald Diary What would Charles Dickens order in a Scottish bar?

David Donaldson spotted this sign in a community shop at Timsgarry on Lewis. He says it's a clear indication of poetry in motion

The Herald Diary: Old glory

Tom Strang from Barrhead spotted this sign in Palma and hopes the barber doesn’t allow anyone to leave the premises half cut.

Herald Diary The magnificent six plus one

The diarist is in town and fans flock to see him

The Eagle Diary: Hurrah for Hollywood on the Tiber

Our diarist is not a fan of the humble road cyclist

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY Easily triggered? Then transfer your pulsing rage directly onto cyclists

7

Are we there yet? Katy Loudon in Rutherglen

Unspun: the Herald political diary

Nasa is not impressed by most UFO sightings

Herald Diary Who said there's no magic or mystery left?

John Mulholland says he’s glad The Italian Job is being shown again on telly. “That’s a tasty line-up for a TV game show,” he adds. “Someone must have sneaked it pasta producer.”

Herald Diary The Bernard who seems to be no saint

Roberta Hughes from Neilston says: “Curious to know. Is this the toxic masculinity I’ve been hearing all about?”

Herald Diary Blasphemy on the train to the football

John Bruce from Cumbernauld says he always knew Morris Dancers couldn’t be trusted. They’ll always lead you a merry dance…

Herald Diary Behold Helen, the face that launched a thousand quips

1

We mentioned Christmas arriving early in Scotia, barging past Hallowe'en and Bonfire Night in its rush to bombard us with Bings of the Crosby variety, burbling on about sleigh bells. Fraser Kelly in Manila proves it's a truly global phenomenon

The Diary: Close, but no Ziggy-ar

More scatology. A Milngavie reader spotted this charming English beachfront sign. Not to be taken literally, of course, or you’ll end up feeling browned off.

Herald Diary: Why initial impressions taught teacher a harsh lesson

Police officers on the streets of Edinburgh in July

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY Let’s embrace Police Scotland’s newly-discovered vigour in eradicating unpleasantness

10

Dolphins are very intelligent

Unspun: the Herald political diary

Ryan Gosling: plastic or wooden?

Herald Diary A fat chance of feeling better

To quote England’s greatest bard, Noddy Holder: “It’s ChriiiiiiiistMAS!!!” Actually it’s not. That hasn’t stopped this restaurant near George Square from jumping the gun.

Herald Diary Old Etonian's five-a-day insults for Scotland

A READER who spotted this says it’s a rubbish concept for kid’s entertainment.

Herald Diary When Shakespeare died a death at the golf club

Bob Miller, who spotted these signs, wonders if 25 miles an hour would be an acceptable compromise…

Herald Diary Why it's a case of Boo to the barman

The Herald Diary: Table talk

The Herald Diary: Table talk

“At least this bar can’t be accused of spreading fake news,” says reader Harvey Smith.

Herald Diary Alasdair Gray: A self-portrait. And it sure ain't flattering

Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer

Kevin McKenna's Diary Is there anything Sir Keir - Mr Two Union flags himself - won't do to get into No10?

1

Snoring can be very problematic .. . see

Herald Diary The housewife who had the gardener floored

Bob Drysdale noticed this architectural marvel in Elgin and wonders if a homesick Glaswegian decided that the town centre needed some Weegification.

Herald Diary The childhood game that was a skoosh... for some

Chris Robertson, who spotted this sign, says approvingly: “Who says metaphysics is just for philosophers? This sign has successfully solved one of the fundamental conundrums regarding the nature of reality. Nice and pithy, too.”

Herald Diary Food for thought on the Heathrow shuttle

Spotted in Edinburgh, the saddest words in any language…

Herald Diary: Give peas a chance

David Gemmell spotted what must be the first truly authentic car boot sale in Symington, near Biggar…

The Diary: Macaw’s winning ways

2

Spotted by Barrie Crawford in a Majorca toilet. We wonder if the cubicle also has an alarm that rings to signal danger… some sort of motion detector.

Herald Diary The perfect response to the Punks and the Skinz

Kate Forbes MSP used humour to talk about her faith at the Fringe

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY For God's sake, why can't Scottish politicians mention belief in the Second Coming?

46

Sweet dreams are made of this... see

Herald Diary Why you mustn't keep taking the tablet

A READER spotted this van in Glasgow city centre. The name on the side was Christ Wright and Sons, though it looked much more spiritual when the door slid back…

Herald Diary The office worker's deadly definition of dull

David John Chadwick from Carluke noticed this boastful sign in a Perthshire pub, though we’re left to wonder why the boozer never won the award in the following 327 years…

Lorne Jackson: Edinburgh really is groaning at this time of year

John Bruce informs us they’re not that entertaining. “Sure, they can juggle just fine,” he says, “though I wasn’t particularly impressed with their tap dancing.”

Herald Diary Guess what the rag and bone man had in his bedroom...

John Mulholland recently spotted a strange combination of names on a popular TV quiz. It’s happened again. Perhaps there’s an old school musical fan working on the production team…

The Diary: Footy faux pas

Catherine Shaw was sent this photo by a fellow teacher. “We both agreed,” she says, “that this was indeed the type of 'Back to School' resources that all teachers really need.”

Herald Diary Why not take the plunge amongst the bins?

2

Senior figures at the top of the British government and in its intelligence community have always denied the existence of spies inside the SNP.

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY Yes, MI5 could very easily have infiltrated the lackadaisical SNP

14

Getting fastidious over bins ... see

Herald Diary Guess why magicians are always grumpy?

John Mulholland notes that although church-going is not as popular as once it was, the religious life is still being venerated on TV quiz shows…

Herald Diary Recalling words of wisdom from Prince Philip

1

“Excellent advice,” says reader Colin Green. “Though it’s not entirely comprehensive. I wonder if you’re allowed to stand on them…”

Herald Diary The dad who was talking through his hat