Scotland's Home of the Year review: What's up pussycat?

It is a dog-eat-dog world out there for interior design show presenters. If Alan Carr’s Interior Design Masters is not sniffing around, it is Stacey Solomon and Sort Your Life Out. Never underestimate, however, the real enemy within - the household cat. 

One of the joys of SHOTY is the way family pets are given a name check. It’s homeowners first, then children, then animals. Funny thing is, I cannot recall pets featuring that much after the introductions. They mysteriously vanish, leaving the judges to wander at will. That changed when the series reached the West, home to Fred the cat.

Fred lives at the Georgian Townhouse in Ayr, the first property visited. Naturally, when he found out Anna, Banjo and Danny were on their way, he sat in the driveway to welcome them, only for the trio to march right past without acknowledgement. Fred’s tail flicked in annoyance. 

Too busy wanging on about period lanterns and glazing above the doorway to pay attention to Fred. Right said Frederick, if they won’t come to me, I’ll go to them. 

“Aw, look, our fourth little judge,” said Banjo as Fred crashed the sitting room scene. “Hey kitty girl,” joined in Anna (she may know her Eames from her eaves, but sexing cats is not her thing). Danny ignored Fred, which made the architect the most fascinating being in the room. The judges managed to lose Fred for a bit, but he returned triumphantly with a 180-degree belly roll to camera in the bedroom. Match that, Danny Boy.

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Next was Artisan House, a semi-detached in the south side of Glasgow that gave Danny the chance to remind everyone he was an architect and not just some random who knows his way around TK Maxx. Did you know the difference between a red sandstone and a blonde one? It was something about dates, which was older, but the lesson was unfortunately drowned out by Anna and Banjo’s slagging of Danny for being a swot. Well, we were in the West.

In all three homes this week, the judges did not take their shoes off. They didn’t do that in the East, did they? And what does that say about the state of modern Scotland? These are the questions they don’t ask in yon leaders’ debates, but they should. 

Finally, we arrived at another gorgeous semi, this one in the village of Kilmacolm in Inverclyde. The plan had been to leave the extension to builders, but when the owners saw the quote they suddenly developed a yearning to do it themselves. “And it hasn’t fallen apart yet,” said the lady of the house. 

The extension was top-notch modern, but the main house still had its “quirks”, including a doorway that opened onto the stairs. “That’s definitely not compliant nowadays,” said Spoilsport Danny. 

“They were rock n’ roll, those Victorians, weren’t they?” chimed in Anna. 

The West was won by the Kilmacolm house and its centrepiece 12-seat sofa (home built) with matching lamp and dog bed. Now that is class.

Secret Service, STV, Monday

Three stars

When Tom Bradby is not reading the ITV News at Ten in ever more incredulous tones (some nights I half expect him to say “You’re going to need a double for this one, dear”), he is writing thrillers. Pretty decent they are too, and some are made into telly dramas, including Secret Service. 

Gemma Arterton plays Kate Anderson, an MI6 agent who learns that the Russians have planted a mole at the top of the British government. With the PM in trouble, Mr or Mrs Mole could be about to make their move for the top job - unless Kate can stop them. 

To do that, she must take more time away from being a busy mum to two children and the wife of a special adviser (Rafe Spall). No one ever worried about James Bond making it to parents’ evening, but hey ho.

A terrific cast, including Roger Allam as “C”, and a tight script keep the tale motoring along between ad breaks. What lets Secret Service down are the cliffhanger endings, or rather the complete absence of them. Hasn’t anyone seen a Netflix thriller recently? 

Bradby turns up reading the news, natch. But it is Wednesday’s episode that is cameo central, with appearances from Susanna Reid, Ed Balls and Robert Peston. The latter is unintentionally hilarious as a grand inquisitor interviewer (“What on EARTH were you THINKING of?”). Don’t give up the day job, Rob.