HOGMANAY television is set to descend upon us and with it the usual wonderful contrivance.

As always, telly tries to convince the nation we’re at a party alongside a million other people, to suggest what we’re watching was not filmed in a studio in late October, that for the one and only time of the year we’re a nation of kilted, arms-linked pals dancing (figuratively) around a giant living room, drunk with heady atmosphere and Proseco.

But how to achieve this perfect Brigadoon of a Hogmanay television show?

Can it be clever and varied enough to make us forget the perils and traumas of the year gone by, the divisions in politics, anything Trump says or does (especially killing off Santa Claus), the collapse of Radio 2 (given Evans and Mayo are for the off) and the Christmas presents that have to go back to Amazon?

No. Of course it can’t. But can it even come anywhere close?

In years gone by, the main component part of Hogmanay telly has been traditional music. The celebration of the year has to arrive accompanied by at least a couple of blokes in Arran jumpers or ladies in shiny tartan dresses playing an assortment of fiddles, guitars and penny whistles, while and singing and lamenting about mountains and lost loves.

Gradually however, modern music has seeped into the mix. Television companies have to be seen to embrace newness, the fresh young things on hand to herald this spiritual new dawn. Sometimes this has emerged in the form of Hue and Cry. Or Wet Wet Wet.

Comedy of course has long been essential to Hogmanay as black bun and your auntie embarrassing herself after too many sherries as she sing’s Patsy Cline’s Crazy entirely out of key.

This is Scotland after all. We like to laugh, and not just at the fake studio settings whereby a few bales of hay have been thrown in to recreate Burns’ Ayrshire atmos, c. 1790.

It’s a tough challenge. We don’t have the shared TV experience of the Fifties and Sixties anymore. The weans will be on YouTube or watching Gogglebox (Channel 4, 11pm) the teenagers on Netflix, (or more likely in the pub). And the uncles and aunties watching Jools Holland (BBC2, 11pm) )

But for those of us remainers to the delights of mainstream telly, let’s take a look at BBC Scotland and STV as they attempt to bring fresh flavour to the black bun and ginger wine that is the last show of the year TV output.

BBC Scotland’s Hogmanay Live will be fronted by Jackie Bird from the Old Fruitmarket in Glasgow, and after 20 years wrapped in the sparkly dress it’s fair to say she’s now ripe and ready for the task ahead.

The traditional music content arrives in the form of BBC Folk Singer of the Year Karine Polwart, and Hogmanay stalwarts Phil Cunningham and Aly Bain, so that’s the finger-in-the-ear box ticked.

The more modern musical content is played out by former Britain’s Got Talent star Alesha Dixon (also offering up eye candy for the dads.) And comedy will come from stand-up and radio star Des Clarke, who will offer his satirical take of the past 12 months.

However, the main selling point of the Hogmanay Live show is a rewind on an iconic BBC Scotland comedy sketch, being performed by a more recent star. Rab C. Nesbitt’s Gregor Fisher will be appearing as Rikki Fulton creation I.M. Jolly, which will certainly grab the attention of audiences of a certain age.

It will be fascinating to see if anyone under the age of 40 will find the raging dourness funny. And some will wonder of course why Beeb Scot didn’t simply re-run old clips of Rikki Fulton as the miserablist minister? (But that would leave them open to easy criticism. Best to freshen up the old scripts with a new(ish) face.)

Meantime, a few hundred years along the road at Pacific Quay, STV have come up with their own reinvention of Hogmanay on the telly. And, as always, you have to offer up sympathy in advance.

As sure as Dec didn’t miss Ant one single bit in the Australian jungle, BBC Scotland always manages to grab the major viewing figures ever year.

In 2016, for example, STV’s show featured Lorraine Kelly (with Judy Murray as main guest) and surprisingly managed to pull in 10,000 viewers. (The surprise was it could have been even less. I seem to remember Davy Coburn’s parties in Johnstone almost reaching that number) while Jackie Bird’s show on the other side hit 1m.

But this year, STV have pulled in a true Scots legend to front the show. Lulu. Yes, the Dennistoun dynamo herself. Lulu’s Hogmanay Hooley will also broadcast from 11.30pm.

Already filmed in front of an invited audience in Glasgow (thanks for nothing, STV) Lulu will perform some of her biggest hits including Shout! and the Hogmanay mainstay, Auld Lang Syne.

There is little doubt that landing Lulu, one of the best white soul voices ever, is something of a coup. And there’s also a nod to the next generation of Scots talent, with the appearance of guest star KT Tunstall.

What are STV’s chances of truly taking on the BBC? Zilch. Increasing share this year? Reasonable. BBC Scotland has the variety element worked out neatly, the mix of traditional and comedy, but there are viewers who may find the mix too prescriptive.

But the telly will be turned on to the two main channels, as always, at 11.30. Because we need the contrivance, don’t we? We need to pretend we’re part of something bigger and the rotten old year is over and the new one begun. We need Jackie or Lulu to confirm it will indeed be a Happy New Year.