WELCOME to Dino-ville, the land that style forgot. In this place,
pubescent worries are forgotten. No-one makes you wash, change your
underpants, or nags you about your homework. In this place you're free
to express the essence of your uniqueness. And in this merchandising
heaven, there are four brands of individuality: black or white, long or
short sleeved. Twenty notes buys you a place in the gang. Simple.
So there we were, a barrowload of heavy metal fans and myself, giving
it devilish finger signs and screaming for The Maiden.
Suddenly they were upon us, five bad-assed show ponies prancing around
the stage. Maiden! Maiden! As they blasted into their latest single, Man
on the Edge, the crowd's roars turned shrill. Our bodies fibrillated in
time to the music. Maiden! Maiden!
And then we noticed that dozens of fans were on stage, singing along
to the chorus of Heaven Can Wait. A kind of Ging Gang Goolly around the
fires of hell, with Steve Harris and Janick Gere running through every
guitar cliche ever conceived. Outstanding.
Of course it couldn't last. With the first notes of Fortunes of War
from the X-Factor album, frenzied campery gave way to the odious
balladeering for which heavy metal is so justly reviled. The spell was
broken and we saw The Maiden for what they really are: middle-aged men
playing mediocre music. Sad really.
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