LIKE all political parties, the Liberal Democrats suffer from the
men-in-suits factor. Not to mention the men in sandals. (Damn, we had
promised ourselves not to mention the sandals image of the Liberals.)
A perfect antidote to all this, therefore, at the Lib-Dem conference
in Glasgow is Clare Hamblen of Bearsden. At 21, she is the youngest
councillor in Scotland.
She is also one of the stars of a politics spread in Cosmopolitan. In
Cosmospeak, Clare, left, is an apparat-chick, a party girl, one of a new
generation of young people who have embraced politics because they are
tired of the way the aforementioned suits are ruining the country.
In real life, Clare is a student nurse who has spoken at party
conferences on pay issues and is contributing to the Lib-Dem manifesto
on health policy. Clare would disagree with the statement that the suits
are in charge of her party: ''In the Scottish Liberal Democrats there's
a great deal of participation. Young people and women don't feel left
out.''
Being Cosmopolitan ''party animal'', Clare, who is a comely lass, had
to get her party frock on for a photo-shoot. For those into matters
sartorial as well psephological, the black velvet dress was from
Littlewoods catalogue and the vote-for-me-quick shoes from Kurt Geiger.
Quote quotas
WE mentioned yesterday Lib-Dem president Bob Maclennan's impressive
list of literary and cultural references in his speech to conference --
from Debussy to Dantan via E M Forster. His leader, Paddy Ashdown, while
much more Churchillian in demeanour, had a meagre sprinkling.
Archimedes, Bertold Brecht, Mel Gibson in a reference to brave hearts,
Frank Bruno, and Rex Knapper.
The Bruno quote was: ''Look who's champion now! Know what I mean,
'Arry?'' Rex Knapper is an obscure but honourable Conservative
councillor from the south coast of England. We mention him simply
because we feel his splendid cognomen should not go unrecorded.
Policy of prudence
WE'RE not saying that Jim Wallace, leader of the Scots Lib Dems, has a
reputation for being careful with his bawbees but during the annual
conference pass-the-hat fund-raising session the chap who was trying to
wring cash, cheques, and promissory notes from the assembled ranks said
he was looking forward to receiving Jim's donation in ''pounds Scots''.
The current exchange rate is about #8 sterling for #100 Scots.
* STILL on matters fiscal, a party of Lib Dems, dining in the Cantina
del Rey mexican restaurant in King Street, Glasgow, brought a whole new
meaning to ''who had the rice?''
In calculating who was to pay what, the diner-in-charge left some
interesting working in the margin of the bill, which the staff have kept
as a collector's item. The bill of #188.95 was rounded up to #200 for a
tip, divided by 14 and multiplied by two.
Pretty straightforward -- until they then divided this answer by six
and added on #14.29 to reach a final total of #19.05. They were
obviously not real politicos since no-one picked up the receipt.
NICK COMFORT, until recently political editor of the Daily Record, has
just published a new edition of his impressive and invaluable (#20,
actually) reference book Brewer's Politics -- A Phrase and Fable
Dictionary.
We are sure it is entirely coincidental and not a reflection of Nick's
time covering the Scottish political scene that in his alphabetically
arranged book SNP is sandwiched between ''snouts in the trough'' and
''so little done, so much to do''.
Slash-dash affair
THE Glasgow Ale Festival opens for business tomorrow and Russ Sweeny
of Camra is on with proof, were it needed, that enjoyment of traditional
beers is not only pursued by fat, bearded, boring gits. (Yes, we are
aware that the Diary fits this profile almost exactly.)
Russ tells us of the young recruit to real aledom who wanted to try a
pint of Belhaven 70/-. Being a child of the decimal coinage era, he knew
nothing of pounds, shillings, and pence and asked for a pint of
''Belhaven seventy slash dash''. The dash and slash festivities commence
at 3pm tomorrow at the Arches in Midland Street.
Powder and plot
WE conclude our foray into the world of pub quizzes with further
examples of the art of being a Quizling. Alex Drysdale of Edinburgh
reveals: ''One way to succeed is to have one or more women in the team.
If you get stuck on a question, the woman can pretend to go and ''powder
her nose'', taking her bag with her, in which she has cunningly
concealed How To Win Any Pub Quiz (the book which started the whole
debate). She can look up the answer in the toilet and swiftly return to
tell the team.''
Mr Drysdale adds: ''Bitter experience has also taught us that the only
way to win first prize in the Aberdeen University Union Quiz was to be a
flatmate of the quizmaster.''
Dick Sim of Arran suggests a more hi-tech version of the
weak-bladdered lady-team-member ploy. While she's out she uses her
mobile phone to contact Quizling HQ where an operative checks the
answers on relevant databases.
Both of the above win a copy of How To Win Any Pub Quiz. But the star
prize of a bottle of Glengoyne malt whisky goes to Eddy Cavin of
Lochwinnoch for a truly West of Scotland tale.
He was hosting a quiz at a bowling club where the decoration of choice
was numerous pictures of the royal family and the favourite colour
scheme red, white, and blue. One of his questions was in which year had
there been three popes.
There was a long silence. After some coaxing that it was worth a try,
one team finally volunteered the answer -- 1978. ''Correct. Two
points,'' said Mr Cavin. ''We don't want them,'' was the steadfast
reply.
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