WE have interesting news on some demographic changes in pub life in

downtown Partick. The westerly inner suburb of Glasgow is well known for

the polarisation of its howffs. To be exact, they tend to be of a Celtic

or Rangers persuasion.

Chiefest of the blue-nose pubs is the Rosevale, partly-owned by

Rangers manager Walter Smith and run by Paul Burns. The Rosevale was put

out of commission some months ago by a fire which left its adherents

with nowhere to talk about Rangers, admire the red, white, and blue

decor, and discuss flute band music.

The Rosevalites became something of a diaspora on Dumbarton Road until

they found a new home. It is a pub called the Mansfield which used to be

called Mullins and is very much, shall we say, at the Celtic end of

Partick.

The Mansfield/Mullins is owned by one Colin Beattie, a well-known

Partick publican and patron of the lively Ettrick Bar nearby. He has

made the Rosevale team welcome until their own place is ready to

re-open.

Thus we have chaps in colourful uniforms who are wont to go for the

odd musical walk at this time of year rubbing shoulders with Mullins

customers who would not rate The Sash in their top 10 hits.

When the Rosevalites depart to their refurbished home, Mr Beattie

plans to turn the Mansfield/Mullins into a Celtic pub. Celtic with a

hard C that is, in terms of culture. Music, folklore, you know the kind

of thing. A Scottish-Irish place.

So far as we know, the Third World War has not yet broken out. This

could be to do with the arrangement that anyone who fractures the peace

process will be barred from all the pubs in Partick.

Mr Beattie tells us if this arrangement can work in Partick there is

hope yet for Bosnia.

Teaser

A READER'S missive instructs us to check the entertainment classified

advertisement section of the Scotsman newspaper under the heading

''Saunas''. Amid the notices for sundry steamy Edinburgh establishments

we find: ''Relax in the company of Edinburgh's most exotic birds.

Siamese Firebacks, Salmon Crested Cockatoss (sic), Mackaws, Chinese

Pheasants and Eagle Owls. Edinbugh Zoo. Always full of life. Tel: 0131

334 9171. No appointment necessary.''

Don't worry, it's nothing kinky or even bestial. Just Edinburgh Zoo

trying to attract attention again.

More malarkey

IT is with great reluctance we return to the subject of malapropisms.

But blame Anne Biggerstaff of Thornwood, Glasgow, who tells me her

husband hunted all through Safeway looking for ''low-life yoghurts''.

And her sister who referred to people being ''as thick as two peas'' and

who calls the chaps who take away the rubbish ''the refuge men''.

Nor will we mention the Glasgow lady sifting through The Herald

property pages who spotted a house by Alexander ''Greek'' Thomson and

another of Georgian vintage and concluded that there were two houses

available built by ''George the Greek''.

Trial cruise

WE would have thought that by now most people would go to any lengths

to avoid the O J Simpson trial. But not the Yanks. Carnival Cruise Lines

is offering a three-day O J sail from Los Angeles. On board will be

half-a-dozen Simpson trial experts including a professor of law, a TV

commentator, and a former juror.

Part of the ''fun'' will be a mock trial. The event co-ordinator, one

Ms Jane Doctor, said: ''There is a real need for this to happen. People

are very affected by this trial.''

Frankly, we would rather visit Millport on the paddle steamer

Waverley. And that's saying something.

* On the O J theme, we hear his lawyers are so good even he believes

he is innocent.

* An unreported exchange between his lawyers and O J: ''There's good

news and bad news. Bad news, they've definitely identified the blood at

the murder scene as belonging to you. Good news, your cholesterol level

is really low.''

Jock Tamson's enfants

THAT'S your time, mon vieux, for the Auld Alliance anecdote

competition. No entries accepted after Monday.

Not in le raffle for the star prizes is colleague Michael Fry for a

fascinating discussion he had with a French rugby fan in an Edinburgh

bar on the subject of sexual perversion. The French chap was informed

that ''Ici en Ecosse, nous foutons les moutons.'' No, we will not

translate.

William Smith of Langside, Glasgow, recalls when he was drafted in as

a translator at a council function some years ago in darkest Falkirk.

The deal was that he would translate the cooncillor's speech first into

English and then into French for the benefit of the visiting twin-town

person.

The translation was going quite well until the visitor interrupted

with the words: ''Dinnae bother. Ah wis in a prisoner o' war camp wi' a

bunch o' Cameronians and ah learnt hoo tae speak English frae them. An'

onywey, in Europe we're a' Jock Tamson's bairns.''

Fair game

WE note the publicity for an event called the Glasgow Show on Glasgow

Green two weeks hence. Organised by the city's parks and recreation

department, it will feature such traditional Fair activities as

falconry, a Shetland Pony Grand National, Monster Rocket Trucks, and

racing camels. Oh, and a medieval display called ''The Battle of Glasgow

Green''.