WE have interesting news on some demographic changes in pub life in
downtown Partick. The westerly inner suburb of Glasgow is well known for
the polarisation of its howffs. To be exact, they tend to be of a Celtic
or Rangers persuasion.
Chiefest of the blue-nose pubs is the Rosevale, partly-owned by
Rangers manager Walter Smith and run by Paul Burns. The Rosevale was put
out of commission some months ago by a fire which left its adherents
with nowhere to talk about Rangers, admire the red, white, and blue
decor, and discuss flute band music.
The Rosevalites became something of a diaspora on Dumbarton Road until
they found a new home. It is a pub called the Mansfield which used to be
called Mullins and is very much, shall we say, at the Celtic end of
Partick.
The Mansfield/Mullins is owned by one Colin Beattie, a well-known
Partick publican and patron of the lively Ettrick Bar nearby. He has
made the Rosevale team welcome until their own place is ready to
re-open.
Thus we have chaps in colourful uniforms who are wont to go for the
odd musical walk at this time of year rubbing shoulders with Mullins
customers who would not rate The Sash in their top 10 hits.
When the Rosevalites depart to their refurbished home, Mr Beattie
plans to turn the Mansfield/Mullins into a Celtic pub. Celtic with a
hard C that is, in terms of culture. Music, folklore, you know the kind
of thing. A Scottish-Irish place.
So far as we know, the Third World War has not yet broken out. This
could be to do with the arrangement that anyone who fractures the peace
process will be barred from all the pubs in Partick.
Mr Beattie tells us if this arrangement can work in Partick there is
hope yet for Bosnia.
Teaser
A READER'S missive instructs us to check the entertainment classified
advertisement section of the Scotsman newspaper under the heading
''Saunas''. Amid the notices for sundry steamy Edinburgh establishments
we find: ''Relax in the company of Edinburgh's most exotic birds.
Siamese Firebacks, Salmon Crested Cockatoss (sic), Mackaws, Chinese
Pheasants and Eagle Owls. Edinbugh Zoo. Always full of life. Tel: 0131
334 9171. No appointment necessary.''
Don't worry, it's nothing kinky or even bestial. Just Edinburgh Zoo
trying to attract attention again.
More malarkey
IT is with great reluctance we return to the subject of malapropisms.
But blame Anne Biggerstaff of Thornwood, Glasgow, who tells me her
husband hunted all through Safeway looking for ''low-life yoghurts''.
And her sister who referred to people being ''as thick as two peas'' and
who calls the chaps who take away the rubbish ''the refuge men''.
Nor will we mention the Glasgow lady sifting through The Herald
property pages who spotted a house by Alexander ''Greek'' Thomson and
another of Georgian vintage and concluded that there were two houses
available built by ''George the Greek''.
Trial cruise
WE would have thought that by now most people would go to any lengths
to avoid the O J Simpson trial. But not the Yanks. Carnival Cruise Lines
is offering a three-day O J sail from Los Angeles. On board will be
half-a-dozen Simpson trial experts including a professor of law, a TV
commentator, and a former juror.
Part of the ''fun'' will be a mock trial. The event co-ordinator, one
Ms Jane Doctor, said: ''There is a real need for this to happen. People
are very affected by this trial.''
Frankly, we would rather visit Millport on the paddle steamer
Waverley. And that's saying something.
* On the O J theme, we hear his lawyers are so good even he believes
he is innocent.
* An unreported exchange between his lawyers and O J: ''There's good
news and bad news. Bad news, they've definitely identified the blood at
the murder scene as belonging to you. Good news, your cholesterol level
is really low.''
Jock Tamson's enfants
THAT'S your time, mon vieux, for the Auld Alliance anecdote
competition. No entries accepted after Monday.
Not in le raffle for the star prizes is colleague Michael Fry for a
fascinating discussion he had with a French rugby fan in an Edinburgh
bar on the subject of sexual perversion. The French chap was informed
that ''Ici en Ecosse, nous foutons les moutons.'' No, we will not
translate.
William Smith of Langside, Glasgow, recalls when he was drafted in as
a translator at a council function some years ago in darkest Falkirk.
The deal was that he would translate the cooncillor's speech first into
English and then into French for the benefit of the visiting twin-town
person.
The translation was going quite well until the visitor interrupted
with the words: ''Dinnae bother. Ah wis in a prisoner o' war camp wi' a
bunch o' Cameronians and ah learnt hoo tae speak English frae them. An'
onywey, in Europe we're a' Jock Tamson's bairns.''
Fair game
WE note the publicity for an event called the Glasgow Show on Glasgow
Green two weeks hence. Organised by the city's parks and recreation
department, it will feature such traditional Fair activities as
falconry, a Shetland Pony Grand National, Monster Rocket Trucks, and
racing camels. Oh, and a medieval display called ''The Battle of Glasgow
Green''.
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