Four-and-a-half years ago Partick Thistle director Jim Oliver famously stated that the club would ''deal with anyone whether they were Asian, Eskimo, one-eyed black lesbian saxophone players''. Since then Jags fans have searched the globe for possible sugar daddies. Everyone's been approached from the Sultan of Brunei to big screen tartan hairdresser Craig Ferguson, but no-one's shown much interest. Finally, this week an unlikely investor emerged in the not inconsiderable shape of 26-stone singer Buster Bloodvessel.
Buster's group, Bad Manners, are renowned for performing a stomping brand of ska reggae that delights all creeds and colours. He may not quite be a one-eyed black lesbian saxophone player himself, but he'd probably welcome one in his band. The front man, whose hits include Ne-Ne Na-Na Na-Na Nu-Nu, Lip Up Fatty and Got No Brains, this week spoke of his passion for ''non-league football''. Hopefully this means Partick Thistle aren't currently playing in the sort of leagues they'd have the potential to under his backing, like the SPL or the Champions League for instance, not that he wants the Jags to enter the Junior Divisions.
When Buster last had a hit, er, 16 years ago, he was best recognised by his shaven head, and apparently he has kept this trademark look going. Perhaps, then, his interest in Firhill stems from spotting a photo of Brian Martin and fancying that the sturdy Thistle defender might pass for himself after a couple of Slimfasts. Buster might even have plans for the whole team.
At the World Cup last year the Romanian players achieved global recognition when they all dyed their hair blonde. Partick Thistle could receive the same sort of publicity by sending out 11 skinheads. This could be achieved by taking the shears into the dressing room or allowing some of the older players, like Ray Montgomerie or Albert Craig, to loosen the adhesive on their toupees.
But before we get carried away, Partick Thistle are not the only club Buster is associated with. He has also been linked to Southend, Margate and Bayern Munich. At the Olympic Stadium, Bayern's victories are greeted by a loud blast of the Bad Manners' version of the Can Can. I recall hearing it when Bayern Munich put Rangers out of the Champions League last month.
At my primary school disco in 1981 Buster's Can Can was the tune where it was deemed acceptable for boys to hug each other and jump around while the girls sat coolly by the side twirling their bubble gum. Let me tell you, it was a tough job trying to catch a female eye with your nifty high-kicking while simultaneously avoiding the nutter with the steel capped Doc Martens and the Motorhead T-shirt. Who knows, once Bloodvessel bursts into his bank account, we might get the chance to hear his Can Can again next year as the Jags knock Rangers out the Scottish Cup.
Mind you, the omens aren't good when it comes to pop stars mixing with Scottish football. Who can forget the image of Marti Pellow and his band mates holding up Clydebank tops with Wet Wet Wet emblazoned across them? Apparently they could have posed inside the shirts but Marti was wearing a chunky-striped black and white three-piece suit with a silver rodeo collar that day and he didn't want to look stupid. Clydebank FC seem to have gone downhill ever since.
When Partick Thistle announced that Mr Bloodvessel hadn't been back to them with any concrete plans for investing, I began to wonder if Buster might be coincidentally plugging a Christman single in the midst of all this. So far, I haven't heard of a re-release for Can Can or anything, so if he's stuck for material, the old 1971 favourite, Firhill for Thrills, would lend itself to a rocking ska makeover.
q We're in for a unique experience now the World Cup draw has put Scotland in with Belgium, Croatia, Latvia and San Marino.
We won't be able to use that old excuse about having a population that's just a fraction of our opponents'.
The real interest for Thistle fans was in the African section of the draw, where Firhill's Namibian internationalist Quinton ''Magic'' Jacobs learned his fate.
In September my Thistle pal Dougal and I bought a Namibian flag. The rain battered down on Tuesday while on the other side of the world FIFA decreed that Namibia will play a home and away knockout match against the Seychelles.
Is there a Namibian Travel Club?
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