Wright arrives with all puns blazing Celtic sign striker until the end of the season

Even John Barnes was brought into things as the man who managed to stop him continuing his suicidal wind-up of Argentina supporters, not a good idea when you are sitting just yards away from them.

Asked if his myriad of outside interests, including adverts for among other things, coffee and chicken, would affect his performance on the field for Celtic, Wright replied: ''I'll be all right, as you don't see footballers playing with chicken or coffee in their hands.''

Once Wright gets up a head of steam in his story-telling, there is no stopping him and his views on gap-toothed Mellor ended with the Celtic striker stating that: ''I'm famous for wearing football kits and doing something while he's famous for, well, that's another story. You laugh because he's a joke, you can't take him seriously.''

However, behind the laughing and joking is a man who believes a move to such a big club as Celtic will lead to his career, on which he has promised to bring down the curtain at the end of the season, ending on a high. He did not rule out continuing for maybe one last season if things work out well at Celtic, but that seems highly unlikely.

One gets the feeling that, although clearly not any sort of long-term saviour for Celtic, he will be a colourful stop-gap until Henrik Larsson returns to the fray and will give the Parkhead faithful something to shout about in the coming weeks.

Certainly, after their dis-appointing display against a Motherwell team which played with 10 men for most of Wednesday's game, he could be the tonic they need.

They say that people throw humour around to negate pressure, but listening to Wright you get the impression that the jokes he pulled out yesterday were nothing more than the unusual sight of an experienced footballer voicing an honest opinion, something that many of them are too scared to do.

Although in the twilight of his career, the fact that he started playing later than most - he was 23 before he turned professional - and the fact he has looked after his body during his years in football means, fitness-wise, he is still in good shape.

For all his on-the-field controversy, he would have you believe he is a quiet man off the pitch who does not take much of a drink. ''I haven't battered myself much,'' said Wright. ''I haven't abused my body in a way like somebody might come in on a Monday morning and say they have had 18 pints.

''To be honest, I am a really poor drinker. I drink two Budweiser's and it's good night.''

He also had a good line to counteract suggestions that he may want to wear the No.8 shirt at Celtic currently worn by Craig Burley, like he did with so much success at Arsenal. ''I hear Jimmy McGrory scored more than 500 goals in league and cup for Celtic. Do you think I can do that in eight months?

''If I can, I'll put the No.8 shirt on, but if I can't I'll just leave it.''

Perhaps public enemy No.1 in the impromptu Ian Wright show yesterday was former Tory MP Mellor, with whom he seems to have had a long-running feud, although, to be fair, we raised the matter, not him.

It was Mellor who fielded calls from Celtic supporters on Wednes- day evening who were not happy at the Parkhead club signing a man who has nearly as many off-the-field interests as Ally McCoist, and like the former Rangers player, is a successful chat-show host.

Wright is not a man who could

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be accused of naivete, but even he had to admit that telling thenewspapers that he supported Celtic before he played for Bruce Rioch's Arsenal side before a game against Rangers at Ibrox was not up there in his inspired decisions.

''Down south, when you mention Celtic, it was inevitable that someone would mention Rangers and the rivalry isn't a problem for me.

''When I was at Arsenal, half of north London loved me and the other half hated me.

''Now, the only thing that has changed is that we have half of Glasgow hating me and the other half loving me. It's just I'm in a different country now.''

The player's visits to the English FA headquarters to answer all sorts of misdemeanours laid against him through the years are legendary, but he is adamant he will not be a regular visitor to Park Gardens during his time in Scotland.

As to whether Celtic were wise to splash out a massive weekly wage on a player of Wright's vintage, the former England internationalist said: ''If I came here when I was younger, there would always be people questioning things.

''It's no secret that I will retire at the end of the year, but the way I have played football and the way I play the way I do is why Celtic can come in for me and know I will be able to do a job for them.

''I know in respect of the seven or eight months I am here will be good enough for Celtic to get something back for when Henrik returns.''

Wright trained for the first time with his team-mates yesterday and enjoyed coming face-to-face with Blinker, whose name is used in Cockney rhyming slang to mean stinker.

Sadly for Regi, to make matters worse, he missed a decisive penalty in a five-a-side bounce match.

''It just came naturally and I said to him you've had a Regi, Regi.

''It's what we all say down in England if you have a bad game - you have had a Regi Blinker.

''It's nothing whatsoever to do with his football skills, it's just his name works so well in Cockney rhyming slang to mean stinker.''

It's clear nothing much will get past Wright during his time in Scotland, which was evident with his parting shots when he shook hands with the assembled journalists ''just so I know what you look like in case you slaughter me after a game.''

Whatever happens at Parkhead over the next few months, it is clear that, with Wright around, things are certain to be entertaining both on and off the park.