FOR those desperate to escape the horrors of domestic abuse, Barnardo’s Scotland’s Defuse service in East Ayrshire is a lifeline.
Founder and case-worker Jennifer MacDonald explains: “When I set up the Defuse service I wanted it to be warm and welcoming to everyone.
“Some people are fortunate to have friends and family members to confide in – but many do not.
“We become like a family to the people who need us, for however long they need us.”
Defuse provides intensive practical and emotional support to East Ayrshire families experiencing domestic abuse, where alcohol is a factor.
As well as one-to-one sessions, family work (with children, victim and perpetrator, if it is safe to do so) can also be provided.
Anne-Marie (not her real name) endured 15 years of horrific physical and emotional abuse before escaping from the relationship, but the effects have left their mark on her children.
She says: “By the time I realised what was happening I was pregnant.
“At first I put his behaviour down to jealousy - I already had a son, but when I became pregnant the violence continued.
“When he hit me he would say ‘I’m sorry but if you hadn’t done that I wouldn’t have hit you’, and eventually you wonder, is it my fault?”
The effects of the violence on the children persuaded Anne-Marie to seek help.
“They had started to copy their father’s behaviour to me, calling me an idiot, manipulating, bullying me,” she says.
Anne-Marie heard about Defuse through social services and, with no close family or friends to confide in, she approached the service for help.
Defuse helped Anne-Marie’s children understand what was happening, to encourage them to change their behaviour and support their mum. Family sessions brought them together in a neutral environment.
Anne-Marie explains: “The groups are run and guided by support workers who help the children talk about everything, get anger out, share their views.
“It helped me understand what the kids were going through. Sometimes you’re so wrapped up in your own feelings you completely lose sight of the kids’ perspective.”
She adds: “The children talk fondly of the service workers - they know they’re people they can trust and that is as important as anything.
“Not every family is the same and Defuse recognises that – it adapts to each individual family footprint. I think that’s why it works so well.”
Defuse is part of East Ayrshire Families Service which also provides the Axis/Connect Service for young people aged between 11 and 18 who are involved in or at risk of becoming involved in alcohol and substance misuse; Focus, which works alongside communities in Shortlees, Cumnock and Auchinleck to tackle violence against women; and a youth service for 10 to 25-year-olds in Kilmarnock.
Five years on, Anne-Marie now volunteers for Defuse, raising awareness of its services at seminars and conferences involving domestic abuse agencies and Police Scotland.
She still relies on the service for support, and the team continues to work closely with the children who are now at school.
“You don’t know you are a victim until someone tells you,” she said.
“I thought by staying in that relationship I was stopping the children from ‘missing out’ – now I realise the harm that’s been done, that staying for so long was a mistake.”
She added: “I’ve learned from my mistakes, but it has been difficult for the children to move on.
“As a single parent, it’s hard to know if you are doing the right thing. Defuse is there to help me, even if it’s just a quick call for reassurance. The good they do goes way beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s so good to know they are there whenever I need them.”
To donate to the Herald/Barnardo's Scotland Christmas Appeal 2015, email heraldchristmas@barnardos.org.uk or visit www.justgiving.com/heraldchristmas/
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