WHENEVER the words Trident or nuclear deterrent are uttered in the Commons these days, socialist bottoms move uncomfortably and Labour eyes are quickly cast downwards.
And so it was when – after another PLP session of Labour beating itself up on the issue earlier in the week – a helpful Tory soul stood up to hand Dave a rather large stick with which to beat the comrades; referring to how the shadow defence secretary Emily Thornberry had suggested that the nuclear deterrent might one day become as obsolete as the Spitfire had after the second world war due to the advance of technology.
With a self-satisfied air, the Tory toff noted: “It takes quite a talent for a shadow defence secretary to insult Spitfire pilots and our brave submariners all in one go.
“Another week, another completely ludicrous Labour position on defence,” snapped Dave, adding: “The last word should go to the honourable member for Bridgend (Madeliene Moon) – thank you Twitter for this one - who, as she came out of the parliamentary Labour party meeting, tweeted: ‘Oh dear oh dear omg oh dear oh dear need to go rest in a darkened room.’
“I expect that she will find the rest of her party there with her,” the PM gloated.
As the Tory berserkers chuckled, the hairy Leftie sat glum-faced on the front bench; his comrades looking even glummer behind him.
But there was a moment of shared laughter when Jezza returned to his theme of a People’s Question Time and said he had had a question from Rosie about Britain’s housing crisis.
As Conservative voices began to express their usual disdain for the chief comrade quoting, heaven help us, a member of the public, all eyes alighted on the person sitting next to him; Rosie Winterton, Labour’s chief whip.
“I've got an email from Rosie; she's in her 20s...," explained the Labour chief but had to stop as MPs continued to giggle.
Dave quipped: "Well, first of all, let me say to the right honourable gentleman, when you get a letter from the chief whip that normally spells trouble."
Indeed, so perhaps does one from First Minister Nicola Sturgeon on the subject of fiscal fun.
As the interminable talks over Scotland’s new tax powers continues to be deadlocked over, what else, money, Dave insisted there was no one keener than he to get a deal.
But, amid all the diplomatic niceties, the Tory toff could not resist having a pop at those lovely Nationalists and said, to their rolling eyes: “I want the SNP, here and in Holyrood, to have to start making decisions; which taxes are you going to raise, what are you going to do with benefits?
“I want to get rid of, frankly, this grievance agenda and let you get on with a governing agenda, and then we can see what you are made of.” With that, it was off to a darkened room.
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